musings on the past few months.

i'm a bit confused as to where exactly this year has gone. i seem to remember sneezing sometime between january 1st and today, but then if i think about that, another 6 months has gone by.

seriously, this year is now halfway over. and it has been a pretty rough one so far. economy has tanked, to be sure. a dear friend passed away. scott totaled his car. and i am nae employed.

it has also had its ups. i got to visit good friends in chicago. i took lauren, mavis, and sara to their very first drag shows. i redid my kitchen (which looks fantastic). and most importantly, i graduated college, finally.

i've also made some decisions on/about my life. not always good, but, why dwell. i am, to be certain, not moving to another country for the foreseeable future. i am, instead going to charge ahead with my masters in library management, and then, G-d willing, apply for the PhD in the same field.

finally, my body. i have been more uncomfortable about my body the past few months, than i've been since i was in my teens. i'm not exactly certain, but i feel it. i don't like the way my body looks, at all, and i don't like the way it feels when i do something as simple as jog. it has too much jiggle. i see so many people with nice, firm bodies. or even bodies that don't move nearly as much as mine when doing something as simple as walking, and i feel depressed. i'm always told not to compare myself to others, but when you are constantly flooded with images of nice, non-jiggly bodies, how else should one feel?

enough of my kvetching. take it easy my haverim.

i had a job interview on tuesday evening with headquarters counseling center. i'm not really sure how it went, but i'll find out by friday. i'd really like to have gotten the job, but if i didn't, i guess it wasn't meant to be.

in other news. i've decided, though passive aggressive, i have to get rid of the people in my life who are no good for me. by this i mean, people that make it their prerogative to exclude me from their lives simply 'cos their boyfriend has issues with said individual being friends with me. lame as all hell. i say passive aggressive, because i'm doing it in said manner. but, whatever it takes to accomplish the goal, that's what really counts, right?

oh, and two shifts left at hastings. it's really hard for me to wrap my mind around this, as it would have been 8 years. 8. eight. EIGHT years. that i'd been there on august 1st. absolutely fucking crazy. it's actually even kinda sad. yes, i said it. it's kinda sad. the end of my employ.

finally, i accidentally left a can of diet pepsi in my freezer when i left for topeka today, and it exploded. all over. i hate that!

anyhow. i think i'm going to go try to sleep. i've had a bit of trouble sleeping lately, so i'll take any i can get.
לשלום חברים שלי

i've always known i was overly sensitive, but lately, it seems i get totally frustrated/upset with things that shouldn't bother other people. :[ somedays, it just feels like one disappointment after another, and i really just need to get over it.

anyhow, i've got some shit to do around the house (still) i'm convinced every day off that i have, is spent doing nothing but housework. *sigh*

oddly placed dangling balls

i just read my first "book for pleasure" of the summer. happiness! it was laura moriarty's the center of everything. i read her book the rest of her life for a class this semester and really liked it, so, i figured i'd give this one a whirl. (in fact, i met the author, 'cos she is a professor at KU) i really liked this one as well. i can't decide which i liked more, they're both very different. hmm...

my next book on the list is christopher isherwood's down there on a visit. i'm going to work on that on the plane ride (and back) to chicago. we'll see how it is. i really liked isherwood's berlin stories, but i'm not certain i'll feel the same way about this one. whatever, it's just nice to read for pleasure yet again!

though, i also need to start doing some more studying for the GRE, and applying to more jobs.

and by the way, i also made out a resume template for myself, as well as a cover letter template. i hope to high heavens i can get a job soon. i need a job!

did i mention i'm going to go for the gold and work for my PhD in library and information sciences? well, i am. here's hoping i can do it!

mmk, i need to go try to sleep, 'cos i'm leaving pretty early in the morning. btw, chicag-ites! get in touch with me! will be there until sunday morning! going out to club hydrate tomorrow evening! if you want my number, email me at appletosh3@yahoo.com