i feel a struggle.

i feel this struggle, not only within myself, but around me as well. it's as if a giant red cloud of angst is enveloping me. i don't like this idea, 'cos a) i'm just not into angst anymore and b) it distracts me so.

i just cannot concentrate on anything, and i feel like i can't accomplish anything from a paper to the smallest detail (ie, sending in a payment on time) at first i was just chalking it up to good ol' ADD, but for some reason, that excuse isn't flying this time. i need to get over "it", whatever "it" is, fast.

okay, it's a bit of a lie, i know part of it, but for some reason, i can't allow myself to admit the reason. there are, however, many other things floating around in my personal space, and i just need to grasp them, and show them who's boss!

okay, now putting the cryptic aside-
tomorrow will be such a trying day. i have work from 6.45-11.30a and then class from noon-2.15p and then work again from 3-7.30p. in addition, i need to finish reading My Ántonia, write my HWC paper, start on my thesis/outline for my ENG 314 paper, work on my thesis for my ENG 334 term paper (ok, i can put that aside) and make sure i finish my reading for REL and HWC.  oy.  

i'm going to think positive about tomorrow.  and see if i can't leave work on thursday a bit early to attend a speech in relation to romantic fetishism (in terms of literature silly!)  and try to get in touch with some of those icky thoughts, and throw them aside.  

לשלום חברים שלי

מה לעשות

אני לא יודע מה לעשות עם החיים שלי

גם אני לא יודע איך אני מרגיש על האיש נחמד

אולי אני צריך ללכת למקום רחוק

אבל אני יודע שאני אוהב את האיש הרבה מפני שהוא חכם וגם מושך

זה בעיה בשבילי :(

okay, enough ivreet hayom.  it's a yucky week this week.  if only for the simple fact i have lots to do, and no time to do any of it.  i do like one of the books i'm reading right now, so that makes it a lot more tolerable, for sure.

my mind is buzzing with thoughts, i cannot focus, and thinking thinking thinking is all i seem to do.  wouldn't it be nice to be paid to think?  perhaps i'll become a sophist ;)

btw, i really hope it rains on wednesday, i'm looking forward to a good soaking.  (so is my yard)

oh. and it's true, i do have a new car.  it's a long story, i'll get to it eventually.

before i slip into a deep sleep of edith wharton.

bleh.  i can't stand edith wharton.  at all.  this class would be infinitely better if it were kate chopin, willa cather and louisa may alcott, or charlotte perkins gillman, or zora neale hurston... edith wharton just makes me crazy.  all of her obsessive description... and going off randomly throughout the page... 

okay.. that's a bit like me, but i don't go on and on about a topic, (for sometimes literally pages at a time) and then shift into another thought.

random thought for the day

i smell like dandelions.  for some reason, the sunblock i use, when combined with tattoo goo smells just like dandelions.  

another random thought

my upper arm feels like someone stuck their cigarette against it.  ouch.  it really friggin hurts.

i've been up since shortly after 5, and i'm having trouble focusing (shocker, eh?) but i just drank far too much caffeine, and it's making me all jitters!  and the dog is sitting on the couch next to me making grunting whiney sounds.  (she's trying to tell me to take her on a walk)

i guess i should go do something productive now.

later folksters.