so much!

i'm feeling better.  i've had a lot on my mind the past few weeks, and i got to discuss it in depth with scott this evening.  very important.  we dealt with a lot of "ickyness" and got to the core of our problems.

the reason for my *SIGH* post, was 'cos i wanted to go on and on about my life, but i just felt "blah" all day, so that's all i could muster.  i am, however, feeling a bit better.  (the headache is still here, but my throat doesn't hurt quite so bad)

i developed a topic/argument for my revision paper.  now i just need to write it.  which i am going to do all day tomorrow (until class at 1) and the come home and work on it after work.  (and hopefully, if not have it complete, finish it up on friday morning. it's due friday afternoon)

then i'll work on the ENG 334 paper.  dealing with altruism and egoism in "ethan frome" and "my antonia" -- sorry, i don't have the energy to italicize those tonight.  i'm a bit tired right now.  (but needed to get some more off my chest)

it has come to my attention, that i need a bigger bed.  the bed we have is simply too small for the two of us, plus the dog.  for being only 35lbs she is quite large, and takes up more bedspace than i do!  she is most definitely a sprawler.  i know the bed i want, and the mattress too, but i don't have 700$ to replace the one i have right now.  lol.  (this isn't to say the one we have right now isn't fantastic, it's just so small (a "full" size).  

phone is still crap.  i have to turn it off, take out the battery, and let it sit for 5m (STILL) but, at least that takes care of it.  B"H.  january 16th will be here before i know it, and it'll be replaced quite easily.  

i got a fantastic holiday card from judith and danny yesterday [tuesday], that REALLY made my week!  they are such fantastic people!  (i also got a package from hyundai with an accessory for my car, LOL random, but very cool)  and i've realized, that professor isn't really half bad.  (tuesday was quite a good day for me)

finally.  i've been listening to gershwin's "rhapsody in blue" quite a bit lately.  i'm not sure why, it's a bit cheesy, but it makes me feel good.  that and devendra banhart.  (and had a big reawakening with Hedwig today too.  so i'm going to watch it this weekend at some point, for sure.)

that's it for now.  i need sleep, it's already 2a!

*sigh*

verbal vomit

"the joker, please..."

still feeling sad, and i don't know why.  but i guess i'm feeling better?  i think i'd feel better if i were a bit more certain on some things in my life, but, life is rarely certain.  i think tomorrow after class, when i should be working on classwork, i'm going to watch a sad movie, and drink a bit of wine (or partake in some herbal refreshment).  

i have been stress eating recently, but thankfully it hasn't become a big problem yet.  (by which i mean, i haven't ballooned too much yet)  

on the subject of food, i found two new recipes i am going to try this week.  one is called "cheddar chowder" and the other is a recipe for pumpkin pankakes.  (they were both from this survivalist handbook, but i won't let that turn me off... completely)  i'll let you know how both of them taste.  (i'm hoping delicious!)

i have so much to do in the next week, and so very little time to do it.  but, i'm just taking everything one day at a time.  kinda like that soap opera right?  and btw, my phone has cocked up yet again.  at least once a day, i get the "white screen of death" and have to pull the battery out for 5m or so.  i cannot wait until i can get a new one...

final note.

one of my neighbor ladies (from my parent's home, who is pretty much my grandmother) was mugged last saturday night in her own driveway.  she was attacked from behind, her necklace and purse were stolen.  when i found that out, it made me feel sick to my stomach.  i can't believe someone would do that.  

i am so mean

ruby (my dog, for those of you who aren't acquainted) was sitting on my lap, and i wanted to read my email.  so, i told her "go find daddy, wake him up and give him lots of kisses!"

she looked at me, bolted into the bedroom, and started attacking scott.  

mean, yes.  but hilarious too!

he died of a severe chill

oh crap.

my replacement mobile phone (that i purchased three weeks ago) is already crapping out on me.  it's doing the EXACT same crap my old one did before it finally shut down.  WTF?!  really?  does it really need to do this NOW?  i tell ya, i can't get ahead sometimes!

ugh.  

anyhow.  i need warmth.  warmth!!  i am already sick of winter.  will someone in a warm climate please come kidnap me?  

i'm thinking i should go take a shower.  maybe warm myself up.

cold. and tired.

it's 12.30 right now, and i should really be in bed, as i need to be back up in 5.5 hours.  

however, i'm having a difficult time falling asleep at the moment.  my back is incredibly sore at the moment, and i'm cold, and for some reason feel incredibly sad.  the kind of sad like when you're a little kid and you've realized you lost your favorite toy.  it's that yucky, heart sinks into your stomach kinda sad.

meh...  i'll deal.  

i just read the second book of the professor's house and it was really sad itself.  you should read it.  if, for no other reason, it's probably my favorite willa cather novel.  (actually, it's probably tied with my antonia)  

i think, perhaps, i'm feeling a bit lonely, too.  and i think that i'm overusing commas.  and i think that thinking about my ENG314 class makes my eyes well up with tears.  and i think that under normal circumstances the crap i'm dealing with for 314 wouldn't make my eyes well up with tears, but i'm dealing with bunch of other crap, so there you have it.

sleep will not be coming to this little fay boy tonight.  i guess i can finish reading for the rest of the semester though.  

later, folksters.

places i should go.

briefly, before work.

i had a magnificent dream last night.  i was at the beach (pacific ocean) with a bunch of random folks.  and we were playing in the water and walking along the beach.  these folks were some pretty unlikely guys and gals, so the dream had me a bit nervous.  

but everyone was nice, and it was exciting to "be at the ocean" again.  at the end, people were helping me find rocks for my fish tanks.  hahaha (oh man, it was kinda cheesy, but it was nice to have a pleasant dream) --- not to mention, i woke up feeling rested for the first time in months.  probably since this summer.

i also have come to the realization that i need to visit santa fe new mexico.  not only sf, but also many many locations in NM.  i want

need to visit white sands, and carlsbad, and las cruches, and wold even love to see roswell.  NM has always been an unlikely location for me, but i think it's about time i went.  

anyhow, i need to eat something and get ready for work.  

xoxo folks.