hard things to do

today this weekend have been such a roller coaster. (frankly this whole week has been)

one week ago tonight, we were woken up at 2.45am being told that scott's mother had passed away. tonight was the first sunday we had sunday dinner without her. (the past couple of sundays, when she was in the hospital, we just had dinner elsewhere) it's amazing how quickly i went from having a pretty good day, to feeling totally devastated. it's the things like our sunday dinners, or calls to her when we don't know the date of something, or my upcoming graduation and xmas, that really make me feel sad.

anyhow. saturday was pretty nice. i got some work done on my sleeve. judith and i even came up with an idea for a small memorial for rose in the art. see, there are about five tombstones surrounding my wrists, and one of them was still empty. that is to say, judith told me she'd fill it in the last time we worked on them. (kinda eerie, huh?) anyhow, judith put a giant yellow rose in the center of the headstone, along with an "R" because yellow roses were roses (hehe) favorite. in fact, each of her sons gave her a yellow rose to be buried with. this was my way, since i was just a son-"in-law" and not an official son. i think she'd get a kick out of it, since she always liked seeing my latest artwork.

then at my folks house afterward, storms started going all crazy. strangely enough, the tornado went just by topeka, and hit north of lawrence instead. this was after learning about the passing of bea arthur, aka my favorite golden girl - dorothy.

earlier today, i worked on my HWC essay (that was technically due friday, but i had NO time to work on it last week, as it was spent trying to deal with a lot of grief, and a lot of "getting stuff done." i got an extension on the essay, and i was given until tuesday to turn it in, B"H. well, i finished it this afternoon, with time to spare. after that i decided to do a little yard work. i used the weed-eater (great investment btw) and scott and i picked up the little spikeballs from the sweetgum tree all over our lawn.

now, i'm sitting on the porch, feeling awfully sad, but listening to an amazing sound (the wind) in the trees. i keep telling myself that rose is hanging out with us, 'cos i think i need to feel that way in order to not feel so sad. and that's how i've felt since we left his brothers' house. just sad. i definitely haven't had time to grieve, and i think i'll be spending the next few weeks (months?) doing that. so, i apologize if i seem a little "down" when you see me.

well, i suppose i should go in the house now, it's starting to sprinkle a bit, and my computer definitely does not need water on it.

goodbye rosie

for those of you who i (or scott) haven't told, scott's mother, Rose, died this morning around 2:30. while we knew she was sick, and didn't have much time, we were not expecting it to be so soon.

i'll just cross-post the visitation time from scott
My mom and I would like to let all of you know her funeral arrangements:

Mom's viewing from 12PM to 7PM on Thursday, April 23rd @ Rumsey-Yost (601 Indiana St. Lawrence, KS)

The family is receiving guest from 5:30PM to 6:30PM on Thursday, April 23rd @ Rumsey-Yost

Graveside services 11AM Friday, April 24th @ Oak Hill Cemeter

---
if nothing else, keep him, his family, and his mother in your thoughts/prayers/whatever.
<3 folksters

stix n' stones

i woke up this morning to an incredibly sunny day. it's been overcast since saturday morning, and i decided to make good use of the sunshine and read my text for western civ in the window. it was glorious to feel the warm sun on my skin. even ruby participated by lying on the floor where a sun-spot had warmed it.

i then checked my facebook email, and was surprised to find out i had won a contest! i entered to win a new furmintor (dual de-shedding tool) and i actually won! i rarely win anything, so this was quite a surprise! :] i'll let you know how well it works when i receive it.

anyhow, my dear friend christian (or as i like to call him, Xian) was visiting last week(end) for the easter holidays. he stopped by our place for a bit on saturday evening, and spread all sorts of happiness and mirth just by entering the house. long story short, he's finally convinced me i need to make it up to NY to visit him. sooooo, i'm looking at my options, scrimping and saving, and attempting to make the trip to stay with him in brooklyn for a few days this summer! (i'll also need to visit rach(a)el and her sister sarah when i go, too) while i'm gone, scott will try to make a trip to d.c. to visit his best friend Erin, so good times will be had by all! :]

i am impressed with myself, 'cos i actually did my PHIL homework ALL last night! i need to finish reading twilight of the idols for my HWC class and then finish reading tree of smoke for my ENG 325 class... but, i'm more caught up than i've been since the beginning of the semester, so that isn't too bad! ---i'm neglecting to mention the HWC paper, 'cos i don't want to think about it after a great morning. hahaha

and, this upcoming saturday is the TSO show that i will be seeing/listening to! a saint-saens organ symphony is just what the doctor ordered! and by doctor, i mean myself.

now, to read a bit, and then have lunch with scott. later, folksters!

ugh.

typically i think that those little "side-popups" are pretty good at getting my deepest, darkest desires. they generally pop up with things i've used in the past.

for example, i might see a "dick blick art supplies" or a "minneapolis hotel deals" or even something to do with puma shoes or kangol hats.

today, it got a little TOO personal. the side-popup today said "are you having colon issues? we've got a remedy!" ICK! i appreciate trying to help me maintain a level of regularity, but i really didn't need to see that this early in the morning. i guess it's better than getting penis enlargement or porn popups while i'm on campus, but still...

and then yesterday. (well, technically last evening)
mavis, scott and i decided to go for a little stroll along the river near our house. when we got there, there were seriously two people having sex in their car. it was so gross.

then, after our walk, i notice this stupid family throwing a football in the parking lot, and i noticed the ball HIT scott's car. so i suggested we hurry back to the car. then the fuckers did it AGAIN as we were trying to get into the car! they were like "oh, gee, sorry." fuckin' rednecks. i told scott he should accidentally run over the baby stroller (it didn't have a baby in it)

anyhow. i'm getting ready to go to sunrise nursery & greenhouse. later folksters.

oh my G-d you're gay! - only mavis will get this.

i'm pretty excited 'cos scott is thinking of getting us passes to the 24 hour fitness place here in lawrence. we used to go to LAC, but they didn't have such great hours, and we weren't terribly impressed with the staff (pretty rude). this way, i could go at like 11p and come home afterward and go to bed. horray for that!

i worked on my yard a little bit friday. i must say i'm pretty excited for spring to FINALLY arrive. (i mean come on, it's april for goodness' sake!) AND i get to actually do the mowing myself this year, 'cos i talked to the property management people, and they said it'd be fine! (my reel mower won't go to waste!) and, i used my 50$ rebate card to get a weed eater at ace hardware. it's just a basic little electric thing, but i'm so excited to use it!

i was toying with the idea of driving to st louis on the 17th of april, 'cos tania katan will be doing a speech (sorta) and book signing, but the 18th is the closing performance of the topeka symphony orchestra, and they are doing a saint-saens organ symphony. i would LOVE to see/listen to that. hmm... what to do?! i suppose i could leave at like 8am from st louis on saturday, i'd be back by 1pm... hmmm (i'd prefer not to head back after the event, 'cos i'd be home by like 3am, and that's just icky)

okay, i'm going to take a shower, and then head to la prima tazza. take it easy folksters.

my list

i've been so heavily focused on the negative lately (there has been a lot to be focused on) so i decided to focus on some things coming up within the next 9ish months that i'm really looking forward to. they aren't in any particular order, i am excited for them all. :]

btw, get a hold of me, i haven't seen many of you in weeks/months/years.

21 things i am excited for:

1) going BACK to chicago in june
2) going to another show at the chicago symphony - dvorak suite
3) relying solely on mass transit for a week
4) GRADUATING! may 17th!
5) possibly getting accepted into grad school (i wouldn't start until january)
6) lunch with mavis tomorrow
7) another dinner with judith
8) seeing lauren in her home turf again
9) finishing up my sleeve
10) tomorrow night, 'cos friday nights are pretty much the best nights of the week
11) quitting my current job and getting a new job
12) seeing (hopefully) a lot of people i haven't seen at my graduation get-together on may 17th -- i'll be sending out invitations next week
13) listening to the nashville symphony perform gershwin (doing that now actually - rhapsody in blue.. *drool*)
14) riding my bicycle when the weather behaves
15) possibly moving out of state for grad school (assuming i'm accepted) -- applying at ESU, MU @ columbia, UTexas @ austin, North Texas U @ denton, and U of Illinois @ urbana
16) stopping by one of sari's hebrew classes next week
17) being a cheeseball and getting a new "manbag" -- seriously, it's cheesy.
18) going back to california, more specifically, to drive along highway 1 again (it's one of the few places where i've felt absolutely in tune with the earth)
19) making some tea with coconut milk
20) going to tea gschwender
21) taking an ikea vacation with one of my cunt nuggets ;)