one week ago tonight, we were woken up at 2.45am being told that scott's mother had passed away. tonight was the first sunday we had sunday dinner without her. (the past couple of sundays, when she was in the hospital, we just had dinner elsewhere) it's amazing how quickly i went from having a pretty good day, to feeling totally devastated. it's the things like our sunday dinners, or calls to her when we don't know the date of something, or my upcoming graduation and xmas, that really make me feel sad.
anyhow. saturday was pretty nice. i got some work done on my sleeve. judith and i even came up with an idea for a small memorial for rose in the art. see, there are about five tombstones surrounding my wrists, and one of them was still empty. that is to say, judith told me she'd fill it in the last time we worked on them. (kinda eerie, huh?) anyhow, judith put a giant yellow rose in the center of the headstone, along with an "R" because yellow roses were roses (hehe) favorite. in fact, each of her sons gave her a yellow rose to be buried with. this was my way, since i was just a son-"in-law" and not an official son. i think she'd get a kick out of it, since she always liked seeing my latest artwork.
then at my folks house afterward, storms started going all crazy. strangely enough, the tornado went just by topeka, and hit north of lawrence instead. this was after learning about the passing of bea arthur, aka my favorite golden girl - dorothy.
earlier today, i worked on my HWC essay (that was technically due friday, but i had NO time to work on it last week, as it was spent trying to deal with a lot of grief, and a lot of "getting stuff done." i got an extension on the essay, and i was given until tuesday to turn it in, B"H. well, i finished it this afternoon, with time to spare. after that i decided to do a little yard work. i used the weed-eater (great investment btw) and scott and i picked up the little spikeballs from the sweetgum tree all over our lawn.
now, i'm sitting on the porch, feeling awfully sad, but listening to an amazing sound (the wind) in the trees. i keep telling myself that rose is hanging out with us, 'cos i think i need to feel that way in order to not feel so sad. and that's how i've felt since we left his brothers' house. just sad. i definitely haven't had time to grieve, and i think i'll be spending the next few weeks (months?) doing that. so, i apologize if i seem a little "down" when you see me.
well, i suppose i should go in the house now, it's starting to sprinkle a bit, and my computer definitely does not need water on it.
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