where i am.

i'm sitting in perry, oklahoma.  it's halfway between lawrence and frisco (texas).  why am i here?  because they are anticipating ice/snow around wichita, and i don't want to be stuck in ice.  yuck.  i think that's worse than spending last night in oklahoma.  

besides, it broke the drive up quite nicely.  two 4 hour trips instead of one 8 hour trip.  yay!  i'm going to eat lunch here i a little bit (yeah, early lunch, i know) and then head back on the road.  i don't want to get caught in any snow here.

xmas was nice, i'll probably fill you in, dear journal, on that later.  

and also, thanks to mavis for taking care of ruby-moobie hilly-billie for the time i'll be gone!  that's so great, and ruby will have such a fun time :)

i ride the fence between so many things.

"i'm jam handy!"

back a few months (years?) ago, maureen posted a video of alanis morissette covering "my humps" (which happens to be a truly horrific song).  the alanis version is pretty though.  anyhow, i finally found an mp3 of it.  so i'm happy.  hahaha.  (seriously though, this song is mortally awful)  i've also finally downloaded a few more of devendra's older songs.  (i'd almost forgotten just how amazing his music is)  the two i downloaded are "the thumbs" and "legless love..."  i now have ALMOST the entire "oh me oh My..." album!  yay!

alrighty, moving on.

for the love of everything holy, WATCH THIS CLIP 

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=fvNRHrKyaX4

please!  it is vitally important for you to see it!  it will make you feel, and i don't think i've really "felt" in the past few weeks, so i am very glad i watched it.

okay, one last thing.

it is supposed to freezing rain tomorrow.  and that makes me feel ill.  it is my very least favorite of all the weather phenomena.  if it were an illness, it'd be a sore throat.  (much like glitter is the herpes of craft supplies).  

ps. i can't wait for my pre-christmakuah latkhe extravaganza!  (with mavis, scott, tom and me) 

boring icky stuff

brrr!  still cold, and snowy too!  i don't exactly like this snow stuff.  barf.

i took my ENG 314 final today.  one down, 3 to go.  i also got my revision paper back, i got a C- well, that's better than an F (or even a D for that matter)  i have another final at 7.30 (western civ). i'm not sure how well i'll be doing on that one.  i'm not feeling very certain, and i'm certain about that hahaha)

i did have a little bit of fun with the snow today, ruby and i enjoyed it.  i was kicking some snow at her, and she was chasing it all over.  it was pretty funny!

ps.  i really can't wait until these finals are done.  and i really can't wait until xmas either.  i have some cool things that are going to happen that day (i can't say them, 'cos they could be read here :)  and i can't wait to get out of kansas!  horray!  

okay, more cramming for my HWC exam now.

before i jump into the deep end...

i decided to have 10 more minutes of enjoyment before i transition from rough draft/note work and into the actual writing of my paper.  i haven't really developed a strong thesis statement, but i've got a bit of an argument to go upon.  so, we'll see where that takes me.  

i've got a diet cherry pepsi, and a half a bag of reeses peanut butter cups at my side, so the next several hours should go by (relatively) smoothly.  (unless i decide to throw myself out the window--- which really wouldn't accomplish much, as we live in a ground level house hahaha)

the house is a bit of a mess (okay, that's an understatement) and it is really hard to focus on writing, or intelligent thought of any kind, when it's so messy.  but, i'll have to deal.  

and it's cold.  very cold.  it was 50°F+ this morning, and now, at 2p, it is 22°F.  the expectation, is that it will be dropping to somewhere around +7°F by 9p.  that makes me way sad :(  i'm sick of winter already, and has forced me to believe that minneapolis has no chance of accepting me into it's cold bosom.  

alright.  it's time to throw myself in!  i don't want a miracle, just a decent paper.  (that's probably the same thing at this point)

i'd share it with ya!

sometimes, i want to throw my phone into the middle of I70 and watch a semi-truck run over it!  i keep getting the white screen of death *sniffle* which doesn't allow me to see a text or missed call, or call, or even to dial.  

anyhow.  enough bitching.

i got my revision of my ENG 314 paper done!  yay!  now, to write my ENG 334 paper!  that one's going to be a bit tougher, i'm afraid.  and then study for the disgusting amount of finals.  OY!  i bought my 6 blue (actually, green) books, so i'll be able to write all my essays.

tonight. nothing. (have you ever realized, the only difference between those two words is one letter?)  i'm going to eat home-made pizza, and think.  all i do is think lately.  maybe i'll take a walk finally.  that'd be nice.  me, my thoughts, and the ground.  nice.

לשלום חברים

Goodbye Betty Page

RIP.

so much!

i'm feeling better.  i've had a lot on my mind the past few weeks, and i got to discuss it in depth with scott this evening.  very important.  we dealt with a lot of "ickyness" and got to the core of our problems.

the reason for my *SIGH* post, was 'cos i wanted to go on and on about my life, but i just felt "blah" all day, so that's all i could muster.  i am, however, feeling a bit better.  (the headache is still here, but my throat doesn't hurt quite so bad)

i developed a topic/argument for my revision paper.  now i just need to write it.  which i am going to do all day tomorrow (until class at 1) and the come home and work on it after work.  (and hopefully, if not have it complete, finish it up on friday morning. it's due friday afternoon)

then i'll work on the ENG 334 paper.  dealing with altruism and egoism in "ethan frome" and "my antonia" -- sorry, i don't have the energy to italicize those tonight.  i'm a bit tired right now.  (but needed to get some more off my chest)

it has come to my attention, that i need a bigger bed.  the bed we have is simply too small for the two of us, plus the dog.  for being only 35lbs she is quite large, and takes up more bedspace than i do!  she is most definitely a sprawler.  i know the bed i want, and the mattress too, but i don't have 700$ to replace the one i have right now.  lol.  (this isn't to say the one we have right now isn't fantastic, it's just so small (a "full" size).  

phone is still crap.  i have to turn it off, take out the battery, and let it sit for 5m (STILL) but, at least that takes care of it.  B"H.  january 16th will be here before i know it, and it'll be replaced quite easily.  

i got a fantastic holiday card from judith and danny yesterday [tuesday], that REALLY made my week!  they are such fantastic people!  (i also got a package from hyundai with an accessory for my car, LOL random, but very cool)  and i've realized, that professor isn't really half bad.  (tuesday was quite a good day for me)

finally.  i've been listening to gershwin's "rhapsody in blue" quite a bit lately.  i'm not sure why, it's a bit cheesy, but it makes me feel good.  that and devendra banhart.  (and had a big reawakening with Hedwig today too.  so i'm going to watch it this weekend at some point, for sure.)

that's it for now.  i need sleep, it's already 2a!

*sigh*

verbal vomit

"the joker, please..."

still feeling sad, and i don't know why.  but i guess i'm feeling better?  i think i'd feel better if i were a bit more certain on some things in my life, but, life is rarely certain.  i think tomorrow after class, when i should be working on classwork, i'm going to watch a sad movie, and drink a bit of wine (or partake in some herbal refreshment).  

i have been stress eating recently, but thankfully it hasn't become a big problem yet.  (by which i mean, i haven't ballooned too much yet)  

on the subject of food, i found two new recipes i am going to try this week.  one is called "cheddar chowder" and the other is a recipe for pumpkin pankakes.  (they were both from this survivalist handbook, but i won't let that turn me off... completely)  i'll let you know how both of them taste.  (i'm hoping delicious!)

i have so much to do in the next week, and so very little time to do it.  but, i'm just taking everything one day at a time.  kinda like that soap opera right?  and btw, my phone has cocked up yet again.  at least once a day, i get the "white screen of death" and have to pull the battery out for 5m or so.  i cannot wait until i can get a new one...

final note.

one of my neighbor ladies (from my parent's home, who is pretty much my grandmother) was mugged last saturday night in her own driveway.  she was attacked from behind, her necklace and purse were stolen.  when i found that out, it made me feel sick to my stomach.  i can't believe someone would do that.  

i am so mean

ruby (my dog, for those of you who aren't acquainted) was sitting on my lap, and i wanted to read my email.  so, i told her "go find daddy, wake him up and give him lots of kisses!"

she looked at me, bolted into the bedroom, and started attacking scott.  

mean, yes.  but hilarious too!

he died of a severe chill

oh crap.

my replacement mobile phone (that i purchased three weeks ago) is already crapping out on me.  it's doing the EXACT same crap my old one did before it finally shut down.  WTF?!  really?  does it really need to do this NOW?  i tell ya, i can't get ahead sometimes!

ugh.  

anyhow.  i need warmth.  warmth!!  i am already sick of winter.  will someone in a warm climate please come kidnap me?  

i'm thinking i should go take a shower.  maybe warm myself up.

cold. and tired.

it's 12.30 right now, and i should really be in bed, as i need to be back up in 5.5 hours.  

however, i'm having a difficult time falling asleep at the moment.  my back is incredibly sore at the moment, and i'm cold, and for some reason feel incredibly sad.  the kind of sad like when you're a little kid and you've realized you lost your favorite toy.  it's that yucky, heart sinks into your stomach kinda sad.

meh...  i'll deal.  

i just read the second book of the professor's house and it was really sad itself.  you should read it.  if, for no other reason, it's probably my favorite willa cather novel.  (actually, it's probably tied with my antonia)  

i think, perhaps, i'm feeling a bit lonely, too.  and i think that i'm overusing commas.  and i think that thinking about my ENG314 class makes my eyes well up with tears.  and i think that under normal circumstances the crap i'm dealing with for 314 wouldn't make my eyes well up with tears, but i'm dealing with bunch of other crap, so there you have it.

sleep will not be coming to this little fay boy tonight.  i guess i can finish reading for the rest of the semester though.  

later, folksters.

places i should go.

briefly, before work.

i had a magnificent dream last night.  i was at the beach (pacific ocean) with a bunch of random folks.  and we were playing in the water and walking along the beach.  these folks were some pretty unlikely guys and gals, so the dream had me a bit nervous.  

but everyone was nice, and it was exciting to "be at the ocean" again.  at the end, people were helping me find rocks for my fish tanks.  hahaha (oh man, it was kinda cheesy, but it was nice to have a pleasant dream) --- not to mention, i woke up feeling rested for the first time in months.  probably since this summer.

i also have come to the realization that i need to visit santa fe new mexico.  not only sf, but also many many locations in NM.  i want

need to visit white sands, and carlsbad, and las cruches, and wold even love to see roswell.  NM has always been an unlikely location for me, but i think it's about time i went.  

anyhow, i need to eat something and get ready for work.  

xoxo folks.

i really dislike a GTA and professor right now.

i am not sure, but minneapolis seems to be shifting to texas.  mostly 'cos i'm not in the mood for extreme cold right now.  (this is re: my spending a few days away from kansas)

the dog is sitting next to me snoring.  it is particularly adorable.  i think i am going to get her a new id tag for her "xmas" gift.  

http://olivegreendog.com/star-of-david-id-dog-tag.html

but about now, i need to head to the grocery store.  fun times.

(ps. i miss you.  if you are reading this, i'd love to hear from you, be it à la text, call, email, or comment.)  for real.

what do you do?

oh, so much i could talk about right now.

i'll give the whirlwind update.

a) i got a TERRIBLE grade on a paper that i felt i did wonderfully on.  damnit.  the teacher made me feel like a complete fucking moron.

b) i cannot believe/begin to comprehend what has gone on in mumbai this week.  it is absolutely disgusting.

c) i did have a particularly fantastic thanxgiving.  i got to see lots of family and some friends (hey there mavis and tom!) :)  and ate FAR too much

d) i got to see dianne and dave today!  oh it was so nice to see them!  she's so big with her little baby in her tummy!  (she is going to be such a fantastic mother! but, she's had fantastic role models!

e) i've found a ruby part 2.  i need to control myself, but she's such a cute girl.  

okay.  that's it for now.

stupid GTAs.

quite peeved today.  in regards to two incidents.  (i don't wish to further elaborate at the moment 'cos the two "wounds" are really hacking away at me right now) 

bah.. i need to get ready for work.

quit it dog!

goodness me, i've got a bit of a sore throat.  damnit.  

i could feel it coming on friday a bit, but i think i wore myself down too much, and my body decided it could not fight it off.  

on a lighter note.  i did some yardwork today.  i raked up leaves, and then used my reel-mower to chop them to smitherines!  it took forever, but it'll be nice 'cos then they'll more easily decompose.  (not to mention won't blow around and cover the sidewalks as much)

hmm.  L&L came over today and visited our place.  i haven't seen them in forever!  it was nice though, and we got to catch up a bit.  

i have copious amounts of reading to accomplish.  we'll see how that goes.  and, thanksgiving is almost here.  holy shit where has the year gone?  still scheming a getaway.

my brain just 'sploded

somedays, i can't focus.  somedays, i focus with extreme precision.  

today is, unfortunately, the latter.  i know i bitch about not being able to focus, but in my mind, it is a much greater frustration to fixate on one or two things to an unhealthy level.  

well.  so much for lunch.  i think i'm going to spend the rest of the day doing housework.  what an amazingly fucking fun life i lead.  (oh, and trying to catch up on the reading for my classes.  it is amazing how i can go from being caught up to being an entire book behind in ONE day.  ONE.  that's it, ONE day.)

i swear to everything holy, if i don't get away from everything for at least a day or two, i'm going to go carnival freak crazy.  even looking at certain people's faces makes me want to scream.  

my mental bail-out

i decided i need a mental stimulus package.  and have decided to bail myself out by not attending either of my ENG courses today.  (for which i will, assuredly, pay for dearly within the next few weeks)  i decided though, that sitting with a puppy in nothing but pjs was a much nicer alternative.  

i'm also listening to 7 different artists sing Ave Maria which happens to be my favorite catholic song of all time.  my particular favorite, is a version done by Dolores O'Riordan and Luciano Pavarotti, though, it doesn't really contain the full lyrics.  (aside- she is amazingly beautiful, i always just thought of her with REALLY short hair, but holy simoleons she's a hottie!)

anyhow.  this song brings up my point.  the catholic church.  of which i was raised in.  i have so many fundamental issues with the church, but there are some very deep rooted ideas in it that i hold dearly to my heart.  

for example!  the idea of sanctification of Mary.  i mean come ON!  that is pretty much the coolest thing ever, placing so much emphasis on the woman, who is the mother of all life.  why can't they continue this love of woman and include her in the clergy?!  i mean, sure, there are nuns and sisters, but that is quite limited.  and i feel it pushes an anti-woman ideal onto the church.  

(my favorite part of catholicism is that they believe in the bodily assumption of mary into heaven - just like jesus - which places so much importance on her!)

alright alright, enough of my dogmatic spiel.  it's time to get something to drink.  

(ps. i don't know if i can ever reconcile my differences with the church, and will probably remain Jewish for the rest of my life) -- most notably because i do not believe that jesus was the messiah, i just like the theatrics/stories of the catholic church.  (and the music, and the incense, and going to mass with dianne)  :)

isn't it always about school?

i need to clean my house.  hardcore.  it is such a mess right now, but i've had no time to do it!

אין לי זמן לעשות שום דבר

mostly, i need to sweep the floors, and vacuum my area rug.  other than that, everything is just "clutter".  so i think after i finish this, i'll do just that.  (and maybe fold some laundry)  this is particularly important as L&L are for sure! coming over on sunday, and i don't want the first time they see my house for it to be a pigsty!

גם אני רוצה שטום יכל ללבת לבית שלי בערב שבת

אבל אני חושב שסקוט עושה לטום לא נוחות

i need to read the first book of One of Ours for class on thursday as well.  (not to mention some TS Eliot, WB Yeats, and katherine mansfield on top of that)

AND, finally, i need a new pair of shoes.  my chucks have all but fallen apart (and it's now a "problem" at work) and the sole has worn through on my blue speedcats.  i'm reluctant to spend 75$ on a pair of shoes right now.  *sigh*

**edit** i found a pair of coffee/yellow speedcats for on sale, but they are still quite pricey.  i'm debating.. but i'll probably get them.

a momentary lapse in writing

i'm taking a breather from my ENG314 paper.  i am, thankfully, 1/2 of the way through the actual writing/typing.  however, i did much pre-work, (is that a real phrase?) and came up with the main points i wish to elaborate on, now is the filler work.  horray.  (i even wrote my closing statement at work today.  i'm not sure why, but parts of papers just come to me randomly, so i typically end up piecing them together throughout a few days)

what else?

i picked up a copy of Great Selected Works of Willa Cather today, and i'm quite thrilled.  it has my favorite short story of hers "a neighbour rosicky" and my second favorite "paul's case" which makes me a happy boy indeed!

that's it for now.  i should get back to my paper, so i can finish it before midnight.  (haha)

oh, ps.  have any of you taken the GRE?  if so, let me know.  i want to get a little bit of information.  thanks!

mind-ƒu¢k

okay, as promised, here is a more substantive blog.

i have to write a paper for my ENG 314 class (due tuesday) and i haven't a clue what to write about.  :(  i've resigned to the fate that i'll never do well in that class.

other news?

my phone died today.  frustratingly.  especially 'cos i have several months before i can upgrade it.  and it was dead-dead.  like, it wouldn't hold a signal at all.  i couldn't send a text 'cos the screen would lock up in the midst of typing.  it rang, but i couldn't answer it (or tell who was calling to me)  i went to the verizon store in topeka, and paid 55$ for a refurbished phone (the same type)  so, who knows if this one will work either.. but, i suppose it's fixed for now (unfortunately, i had to cough up 55$ which was very uncool)

good news?

i got to watch my little sister in her play (Our Town) and she was very good as Mrs. Gibbs!  i was quite impressed!  all the kiddos were pretty good, but i gotta say, my sister was really good hahaha!  

friday night, i ended up talking to my friend tom until 6a.  needless to say, i was cranky as fuck saturday and today.  hahaha.  but, the conversation was some of the best mental stimulation i've had in a while (that isn't to say i don't get a lot from my friends, but it was almost 10 full hours of philosophizing and speculating and talking about the universe)  --  or as i like to call it, the best brain sex i've had in a while lol.

i'm trying to plan a trip for myself up to minneapolis in either january or march.  we'll see.  but i really need to get away.  i'm wearing myself far too thin down here in kansas right now.  i'm barely sure i'll be able to make it to january, i don't know if i could make it to march...  i need a little time to be with myself.  think my thoughts.  spend a little time getting to know my new car, and not having to take care of a puppy/husband for a couple of days.  (i've been with scott over 5 years now, and i haven't really even had any time away from him in those 5 years)  i'm not saying that our relationship has any issues, but i think a bit of a break for both of us could strengthen our relationship a bit.  (maybe solidify some things).

okay, that was long.  and drawn out.  thanks for reading if you did!  

it's not much, but.

i've never felt so uncertain in my entire life.  and that excites me, and terrifies me.  

i'm welcoming it with open arms, though.

i'll probably give you a much nicer post tonight after i get home.

i've got a song stuck in my head.

Le bourdon peut sonner,
Le curé, marmonner.
C'est pas ça qui le fera
Revenir dans mes bras.

anyhow.  

i finished my HWC paper.  and printed it out.  yay!

that's all i'm putting out there tonight.  i'm a bit exhausted.

i feel a struggle.

i feel this struggle, not only within myself, but around me as well. it's as if a giant red cloud of angst is enveloping me. i don't like this idea, 'cos a) i'm just not into angst anymore and b) it distracts me so.

i just cannot concentrate on anything, and i feel like i can't accomplish anything from a paper to the smallest detail (ie, sending in a payment on time) at first i was just chalking it up to good ol' ADD, but for some reason, that excuse isn't flying this time. i need to get over "it", whatever "it" is, fast.

okay, it's a bit of a lie, i know part of it, but for some reason, i can't allow myself to admit the reason. there are, however, many other things floating around in my personal space, and i just need to grasp them, and show them who's boss!

okay, now putting the cryptic aside-
tomorrow will be such a trying day. i have work from 6.45-11.30a and then class from noon-2.15p and then work again from 3-7.30p. in addition, i need to finish reading My Ántonia, write my HWC paper, start on my thesis/outline for my ENG 314 paper, work on my thesis for my ENG 334 term paper (ok, i can put that aside) and make sure i finish my reading for REL and HWC.  oy.  

i'm going to think positive about tomorrow.  and see if i can't leave work on thursday a bit early to attend a speech in relation to romantic fetishism (in terms of literature silly!)  and try to get in touch with some of those icky thoughts, and throw them aside.  

לשלום חברים שלי

equality, for whom?

i saw a photo today, it was a woman holding a sign "we have overcome" in response to the US electing its first black president.

my only response is
"great, now maybe YOU will overcome your own prejudices, huh?"

i say this, because black voters in california voted overwhelmingly (70%) to pass Prop 8.

how's that for wanting equality?

they have skinny necks, and they shriek!

confused. but happy.

i feel a bit sappy. and it makes me want to barf.

i can't explain myself, for once, i'm at a loss for words.

more?

i need a title.

i was singing along to some LOUD ass black-lady gospel music today, when a knock came at the door. embarrassing!

anyhow, today i'm feeling a bit better, though still embittered. for serious. i think this will rage inside me for a very long time. california is really one of the only places that i could have seen gay marriage lasting. i think this is going to speak volumes for how the rest of the country is going to go. whatever. fucking morons.

what else did i do today?
i did shit tons of dishes. went to class. worked on a paper. cleaned a bit of the house. had dinner at this new deli in town (pretty yummy mavis, we should eat there sometime). listened to odd music. got my winter installment of burt's beeswax lip balm (i get one every winter). thought about someone.

i also watched it flurry today! for real! i was sitting in my ENG 314 class, and it's on the top floor of wescoe, and i noticed the rain was acting funny. it was acting funny, 'cos it was, in fact, snowflurries, NOT rain! it was very soothing to watch, though it only lasted about 3 minutes.

i still really like my new car. it's very nice being able to have the hatch unlocked without having to get the keys out when i'm trying to put ruby in there.

why i hate so many people right now.

the quest​ion was "do you suppo​rt the const​ituti​onal ban on gay marri​age?​"​

two of my FAVOR​ITE answe​rs were-​
"​Absol​utely​!​ Homos​exual​ marri​age shoul​d not be force​d on anyon​e.​"
AND
"I don'​t want my kids to have to decid​e what their​ sexua​l orien​tatio​n is. They have enoug​h to worry​ about​.​"

okay,​ my respo​nses to this are:
no one is forci​ng you to have a homos​exual​ marri​age!​ what the fuck?​ serio​usly?​!​ heave​n'​s to betsy​,​ no one is telli​ng you to get marri​ed to a membe​r of your same gende​r.​

also,​ WTF?​!​ your kids will have to learn​ their​ sexua​l orien​tatio​n regar​dless​ of gay marri​age being​ legal​ or not.

so, fuck you. fuck you very much.​ i am so tired​ of the bulls​hit,​ the water​ed down excus​es,​ and if i hear anyon​e tell me that it threa​tens the sanct​ity of marri​age one more time i'll most likel​y shove​ a used maxi pad down their​ throa​t.​

(​(​and this is comin​g from someo​ne that doesn​'​t even WANT to get marri​ed)​)​
the end.

vote damnit!

i took time out of my day to vote.  (like i do every time there is an election).  anyhow, if you didn't vote, you are dismissed from your duties as my friend.  i'm sorry, but it just won't work out with us.

i'm serious.

anyhow, i need to do some hardcore studying.  time to go.

מה לעשות

אני לא יודע מה לעשות עם החיים שלי

גם אני לא יודע איך אני מרגיש על האיש נחמד

אולי אני צריך ללכת למקום רחוק

אבל אני יודע שאני אוהב את האיש הרבה מפני שהוא חכם וגם מושך

זה בעיה בשבילי :(

okay, enough ivreet hayom.  it's a yucky week this week.  if only for the simple fact i have lots to do, and no time to do any of it.  i do like one of the books i'm reading right now, so that makes it a lot more tolerable, for sure.

my mind is buzzing with thoughts, i cannot focus, and thinking thinking thinking is all i seem to do.  wouldn't it be nice to be paid to think?  perhaps i'll become a sophist ;)

btw, i really hope it rains on wednesday, i'm looking forward to a good soaking.  (so is my yard)

oh. and it's true, i do have a new car.  it's a long story, i'll get to it eventually.

oh, halloween.

for some reason, i always have visions of grandeur for each halloween.  but every year, it ends up that i don't meet those expectations.  

that isn't to say i don't have a good time, it's just that there are a trio of things that lead to the eventual disappointment of the holiday.

1) it always sneaks up on me

2) i never plan anything to dress up as.  or, if i do, i always neglect to get anything together.

3) it goes by so very quickly!

every time halloween comes and goes, i feel my heart is a little bit more saddened by the event.  the other problem, is that it means the imminent threat that is xmas time.  barf.  xmas is nothing but 2 months of guilt trips and consumerist crapola.  that, my dear children, is fodder for another blog entry.

anyhow, i did have fun on the day that IS halloween, but it wasn't so much halloween.  just good ol' friend time, with a little bit of wine, whine, and film.  :)   AND we learned that ruby and mavis' dog kimmy REALLY like one another!  that is such a fantastic turn of events!

i've got to go finish reading my willa cather now.  and work on my papers for the week.  later folksters!

refreshed!

alright, i haven't trimmed my beard/head hair in over two months.  i was looking like a crazy bushman.  i finally trimmed it down tonight, and i feel SO much better!  

in addition, i got to use my new OLDschool razor, razor soap and brush.  it nicked quite a bit, but that's to be expected for a first time with this kinda of blade.  (that's what styptic pencils were created for :)  for those of you who shave, you might consider this eventually!  it's worth the initial investment of the razor itself.  i spent 30$ on the razor itself, but the blades are only 5$ for ten of them.  with schick quattro blades at 12$ for four, it'll be well worth it.  (3$ a piece vs. 0.50$ the math's pretty simple)

plus, the shaving soap smells SHIT TONS better than shaving foam.  (it smells like "fresh cut violets")

okay, enough blabbing about shaving hahaha.  i'm hungry, i think imo get something to nosh on.

quit being so gd sanctimonious

lolz.  

all i'm going to say is, i'm already going to hell, i may as well have a padded seat.

derek, you should most definitely come to mavis' house on halloweenie!  you and chad!  seriously!  

okay, and by the way, wtf is up with rat-tails coming back?  yuck yuck yuck yuck!  they were TERRIBLE in the 80/90s and they are just as terrible today!

don't judge me too harshly.

confused!

no, not sexually, or anything like that.  but i'm awfully confused about something right now.  i don't want to go into details (holy crap, how unlike me!)  but i'm going to try and parse through some things tomorrow.

on a lighter note, poletna mcMavison, squat, and i went to schaakes punk'in patch today!  it was so nice, a very brisk afternoon, totally fantastic hunting for punk'ins.  i think the best part is the hayrack ride.  yeah, you know you're a hillbilly when you get excited about riding a tractor trailer piled with straw bales.  

wish me luck folks. (in reference to the first paragraph)

lurve.

מה אתם רוצים שאני יכול לכתוב היום

today is today and the next and the next

*i am not going to use a period or comma for this entire entry

(but i will use parenthesis)

*i took a bike ride (and i'm going to tomorrow as well)

*i tried to take a picture of ruby and i together (that didn't work at all)

*i'm going to make a stop by home depot within the next hour

*i am going to have chinese for dinner tomorrow

*i'm going to patiently await the arrival of my new razor

*my arm feels really hot in the spot that was most recently inked up

*i'm pretty sure my days at my current place of employ are numbered

*i almost used a period on that last one

*i'd love to get coffee with a friend tonight

*i'm not sure if he'd like to though

*i think i'm going to try to find out if the kitchen floors have hardwood underneath the nasty tile

*i really want to make a backsplash for the kitchen sink

*i don't have enough money to accomplish that

finally

*i'd love to hear from you

סוף

a new razor!

i got a fancy schmancy new razor today!  well, i ordered one, i don't have it yet, 'cos, well, it has to ship here!
http://www.classicshaving.com/catalog/item/522941/4514238.htm

i can't wait for it to come!  i'm a little nervous about using such a severely sharp blade, but i'm excited to see how close of a shave i can get!  hahahaha  (i'd also like to use it to shave my head too)

anyhow, not much else interesting going on in my life today.  that's it.  my life is so boring hahaha, but frankly, that's alright with me.

as of this minute

today has been a pretty impressive day!  kinda.

i had a pretty terrible dream about someone very close to me dying.  i don't want to dwell on it, it made me feel terrible, and lent itself to a lack of sleep.  anyhow, i ended up sleeping through my HWC discussion 'cos it wasn't until after 5a that i finally fell asleep.

so i took the opportunity to beef up on my REL terms.  i'm super glad i did, 'cos it made my exam go that much better!  (i'm assuming)  i felt like i did fairly well on the exam.  though a few of the 50!!!  terms i was a bit confused about.

okay, before i took the test (GASP non-linear timeline!) i made some delicious masala chai.  ohhhh man, i'm so glad i bought this madhur jaffrey book! 

http://www.amazon.com/Madhur-Jaffrey-Indian-Cooking/dp/0764156497/ref=pd_bxgy_b_img_c

if you come over, i'll gladly make you some of the tea!  (and food if you're willing to stay for a bit, 'cos i'm a bit slow at cooking indian food)

alright.  i just got back from a brisk bike ride!  it was so nice.  it's about 45°F outside, and the autumn chill felt amazing on my face!  i probably should have gone a bit longer, but my ears were getting a bit cold.  i'm going to try and bike every day until the first day it drops below 35°F  as the high temperature.  (unless it's raining, 'cos it's pretty miserable biking in the rain)

i really ought to do some cleaning around the house, but am instead laying on the couch with ruby, typing away, and watching the cosby show.  the only thing that could make it better would be a foot rub!  hahaha!  (or maybe a diet pepsi)

fixin' shit

it's 5.25p and 47°F.  i wish i could go for a bike ride, but it's already getting dark 'cos of the cloud cover.  

barf.  i just finished my ENG 334 midterm and i'm not really sure how i feel about it. oh well, it's done.  

anyhow, i also got an hours worth of ink put in my arm today.  yay!  judith actually got a WHOLE lot done in that hour.  horray!  yay for that!

i need to go figure out this thermocoupler thing now.

אופניים

i love my bicycle.  and everything it stands for.

i need to ride it more.

היום לא טוב בשבילי :(

today has been pretty awful.  

i woke up from terrible, terrible dreams.  i can't really recall what occurred, but i woke up shaking and sweating a great deal.

then i was brushing my teeth and kept hearing "drip. drip. drip."  i eventually figured out it was my saltwater tank.  the intake for the vivarium had become clogged, and it pooled almost all of the water into the main unit.  so, it was over flowing.  and since it hadn't been getting fresh water through, it stank.  i spent about an hour and a half picking up the mess.  

while i was doing that, ruby decided to rip up the quilt i made back when i was not going to school.  i'm so sad that she decided to destroy something i worked so hard on :(

then, i forgot my working bibliography for my REL term paper which was due today.  (the bib. was due)  which wasn't that awful.  

(the highlight was my western civ class (OMGWTF?!) 'cos i have kindofacrush on the professor. LOLZ)

at work i learned that the douchebag district manager is trying harder than ever to get me to quit (not fire me though, 'cos then i'd be able to collect unemployment from the company).  wtf. i've worked there for over 7motherfucking years.  i'm quitting in august, can't you just leave me the fuck alone for the next 10 months?  BUT i learned that corey stuck up for me!  that's pretty fantastic.

on another awesome note- i decided to purchase (one of) madhur jaffrey's cookbook.  it's the same book that the mixed veggie dish i made the other night came from, and it has lots of great recipes!  

for now, i'm going to read for my T, R classes.  take care 

לילה טוב חברים שלי וגם זבור שאתם נחמדים ואני אוהב אותכם

זה סבבה להקליד בעברית שוב 

עם אתם יודעים מה אני מקליד מצוין

אין לי זמן לעשות שום דבר

i'd love to be able to write in hebrew on here more often, but the נקודות do not work on המחשב שלי.  

anyhow.  i can't believe fall break is already over.  it was such a whirlwind.  i painted the kitchen, brought ruby to the vet & the groomer, made a fantastic dinner for sara and micah, spent a bit of time with the family, spent a bit of time with scott, did laundry, cleaned the house, did yardwork...

i did so much, in such a short period of time, and am so exhausted!  i needed to shave my head/trim my beard, but i just ran out of time.  

oh, i bought a radiator style heater.  it is so amazingly nice.  it really warms up the room, and it's perfect for our little place.  

one of the dishes i made for sara and micah was amazingly delicious!  it was this potato/cauliflower dish with a cumin/ginger sauce.  it was a pretty complex recipe, but it tasted so fantastic!  

for now i think i'll just go lie down 'cos i'm pretty tired today.  tomorrow will be just as busy.

לילה טוב חברים שלי

i'm exhausted.  really.  i need to say something meaningful, but this is all i can muster.  which by the way, i thought was "mustard" when i was a yeled.  (kid)

that's it for tonight.

ready for a break

well folks, i took my western civ midterm this afternoon.  and it's done.  B"H  

it remains to be seen how i did.. hahahaha

i'm going to be such a busy little beaver over fall break though.  i'm going to:

1) paint the kitchen!  yay!

2) and the hallway!

3) take ruby to get her bi-annual check up

4) have lunch with scott lolz

5) read read read read read read read shit tons of edith wharton.

6) laundry, dishes, vacuum, sweep, et al.

7) make squash soup/ aloo gobhi for friday

woo ! busy two days hahaha!  (but i think i might start painting the kitchen tonight after work, i'm really excited to paint.. how lame am i?)

i gotta say.

i've got to say, it has to be awfully depressing to live in the same city/county for your entire life.  it's depressing enough knowing i've lived in kansas my whole life.. but even moreso, to have lived in the same house for over 55 years...  that'd be the most depressing thing ever.  

i'm referring to my dumbass neighbor.  he's lived in that house since he was born.  and he's over 55.  i guess it'd be nice not to have to pay a mortgage 'cos you're living in your dead parent's house.. but seriously?  i don't think i'd have felt like i'd lived.  whatever though.

on an unrelated note:

i was up until about 1.30a today studying for a midterm.  about 4a i was awoken to the sound of ruby barking/snarling incessantly at the bedroom door.  i don't know what the hell she was barking at, but it scared the hell out of me.  and then, i realized the power was out, which made it worse.  it was totally silent in the house, except for ruby's barking.  i finally fell back to sleep at around 6.15a, and had to be back up for work by 7a.  i slept through my alarm.  and was late for work.  grr!  so, i got about 4.5 hours of sleep last night.  i'd love to go to bed early tonight, but i'll be studying for my western civ (barf) midterm tonight.

oy.  later folks.

verizon. grr.

my phone hasn't been holding a charge lately.  (more importantly, it hasn't been TELLING me it's not holding a charge either)  now i have to keep it plugged in for several hours to figure out when it is charged...  

so i took it in to verizon here in lawrence.  holy shit those were the rudest people ever.  i will NEVER EVER go back into that place.  EVER.  after 40m of waiting, i was told by a RUDE "woman" - "oh, it's your battery, it's swollen, you need to buy a new one"  blah blah blah...  

anyhow, i stormed out 'cos she was so rude.  i'd like to just replace the phone instead of spending the money on a battery...  because i'm still in contract, it'd cost me full retail though.. and full retail on a mobile phone is incredibly expensive!  (even scott's "cheap" phone is 220$ full retail! - he got it for free)  *sigh*  i'll just have to deal with it until may i guess.  

time to go read more edith wharton.  or study for midterms.  whatever comes first.

please don't talk about love tonight

i'm feeling a bit, how shall i say, off tonight?  

question mark?

yeah.  anyhow.  i decided, last night, to read the first year's worth of my livejournal posts.  man, i was constantly angry.  i have to say, i'm a much happier person in my life now.  

that isn't to say i don't get angry, but i just don't dwell on it.  now i just get stressed.  lolz.

okay, i'm going to go watch my favorite old women partake in crazy antics!  bt-dubs

faithful blog.

i apologize for my absence this week.  it was, however, for good reason!  this has been one of my busiest weeks so far this semester!

monday i took my little sister to a show in topeka (for her school)

tuesday i spent trying to catch up on reading!

wednesday evening was kol nidre, so i was making attonement

thursday was yom kippur, and then i got to see sara!!!! and micah too!!!!  *see follwing

and now we're back to today!

i got a 93% on my western civ paper, which makes me happy, 'cos i really worked by tuchas off on that one!  (i worked very hard on my ENG 314 paper too, but only managed a C+  :(  i'm sad.)  and i set a topic for my term paper in my religions in america class (i'm going to work on Kabbalism - and the esoteric qualities of transmutation)  i'm not sure, it's all kinda muddy right now.  i'll develop it later!

*anyhow!  so i had a great dinner and conversation with sara last night!  we got to hear about a lot of her responsibilities in costa rica, and the trials of coming back into mainline american culture.  (i was really shocked when sara said "oh, i've never heard how sarah palin sounds")  you really take for granted having such immediate access to cultural events in the states.  this is not to mention, also, that we assume EVERY country is as interested in our culture as we are haha.  anyhow, then we went back to micah's place and scott helped sara on her resumé while i chattered away with micah which was great times!  

it's been a pretty good week!  now i need to go do craptons of housework!  you all have a great day!

לשלום חברים

when will the madness stop?!

seriously though, when will i quit coughing!  i've been coughing since thursday, and it's only getting worse!  i coughed through my entire REL and HWC classes today, and it was so embarrassing!  (not to mention coughing gives me a headache, and causes my throat to hurt all over again)

on another (depressing) note, no trip to minneapolis for me over fall break.  :(  i was really looking forward to visiting the city when it was over 30°F for once.  but, what can i do?  my funds are just simply too limited.  instead, i'm going to make the most of my time around here, and finish some painting, read a bit, try to visit sara, and take ruby to the vet for her bi-annual check up.  (maybe take her to the groomer to give her a bath!)  perhaps we'll take a day to visit KC.. though i'm not terribly fond of KC...

more bitchiness!  i have so much to read this week. seriously.  and then cram for miterms next week!  OY OY OY OY OY!  

is there any good news in my life?!  LOL of course!  

for instance, i've got a roof over my head, and i've got a daughter that adores me - (oh wait, that's 'cos she's a puppy hahaha!), i've got some terribly amazing friends!  and i'm going to go see a show with my little sister tonight.  

i think i am also going to treat myself to some portraits on the wall.  (IKEA direct here i come! hahahaha)  don't worry, i'm only going to get one piece.  the walls look awfully bare!

dun, dun dun, dun dun, dun dun dun dun dundundundun.

for those of you who don't know what the fuck i'm talking about:  it's GY!BE

yeah.  obscure. experimental. fucking amazing. GY!BE

okay, i'm not sure where i'm going with this.  i'm swirling around in circles now.  too much of a bad thing is never good, and certainly not pertinent to the failure of one two three more years.

the dog is sleeping on my lap, pushing the computer away, and i spent far too much money on a pair of shoes today.  but they are fantastic.  

i'm going to go finish listening to my GY!BE now.  goodnight folksters.

countin' stars

i'm not feeling much better, though, my throat isn't quite as sore.  (which in truth is pretty awesome, 'cos sore throats are the pits!)  unfortunately, my lungs are all heavy, and i keep coughing.  blah.  

oh well, at least my head isn't (quite) as cloudy... though, i'm going to make it cloudy within the next few minutes.  lol. 

i have to make sure and finish reading the custom of the country this weekend, too.  

oh, and in case i haven't told you, one of my best friends in the whole world came back from her year of peace corps this week!  i'm excited like WOAH!  and i'll get to see her next week!  happy day!

ugh, i have to go see what the dog is doing, she sounds like she's ripping something up...

sicky poo

blah, i woke up around 3a today with a sore throat.  i was really hoping it was just from all the bad allergies.  alas, it was not.  i've had a bad sore throat since then.  and my head is all stuffy, and i coughed constantly in class today.  

but that's alright.  i took a benedryl and now i feel really loopy (i'm a cheap date, what can i say)  i kinda like how i feel after i take a bendryl, but my mouth always gets dried out after a few hours.  

on a completely unrelated note:

i have two big ol' butternut squashes, i'm at a quandary for how i should cook them.  i can make my never fail curried squash soup, but i'm getting kinda burnt out on it.  so i have to figure out what to do now.  

okay.  not substantive.  i'll write more tomorrow, when i'll (G-d willing) be feeling better.

shalom folksters.

gobble gobble macys.

well folksters, this itsy bitsy spider is getting ready for a rad-acious new year. (or in the words of my lovely friend rach(a)el, a loverly jew year).

anyhow. whatever you call it, it's rosh hashanah tonight. i'm going to focus on making this one pretty fucking spectacular. namely, moving to south korea. (well.. let's face it, that'll be at the END of this upcoming year, but i digress)

what else will this blog focus on today?

you. or, how much i love you. and how much i dislike edith wharton. i am now reading the custom of the country, which is turning out to be spectacularly boring.  wtf man?  she just goes on and on and on.  it really brings tears to my eyes.  

hmm.. what's next?

i really don't know what to think about the economy right now.  i just don't know.  

and, um, can i tell you how much i love deven green?  i don't think i can, there are no words.  nor any words to explain how much i love peanut butter.  

boo for tear jerker shows.  and boo for unhealed tattoos.

welcome. to my home.

for those of you who want to see my house, without having to travel to kansas.

welcome. to my home.

enjoy.

i'm a bit sore. duh.

hey folksters.

i got quite a bit accomplished yesterday/today. that's pretty super! and we judith got so much done on my arm today too! it looks pretty amazingly fantastic! now it looks like one whole piece, not two separate pieces.

anyhow, very quickly now,
can you believe it's been 10 years (on oct 12) since matthew shepherd was murdered? insane. (and so little has been done about the murderers)
*sigh*

then the time will come

well folksters, i managed to get both of my papers done!  (which is why you may have noticed my absence for a little bit)  but, i'm back, for the time being.  

did i mention i finished reading ethan frome as well?  it turns out, i actually liked it!  i'm hoping the custom of the country is alright, too.  it remains to be seen, though.

today, i will spend cleaning the house.  it has been neglected as of late, and the dog hair is taking over!

james' homosexual agenda for this weekend:

1) sweep and mop the floors (and vacuum the area rug)

2) make tomato sauce (home made, from scratch)

3) synagogue this evening

4) maybe mow, even though i'm not supposed to (wtfe)

5) read read read. (this is a constant)

6) ink work, saturday

7) work, sunday

8) water change in the aquarium

9) finish the prep for minneapolis

10) clean out my car

woo hoo!  i've got my work cut out for me folks.  

לשלום חברים

a break, at breakneck speed.

alright.  i'm in the middle of writing (1 of 2) papers right now.  i actually haven't written the paper, i'm just making highlights, and questions- you know, the skeleton of my paper.  my arguments thus far are pretty weak, and pretty convoluted...  but i hope to have something more substantive by tonight.  (i also need to focus on my second paper, too!)

i had a pretty shitty day otherwise.  i got an 85% on my stupid religious studies exam (i totally deserved an A on that exam, so i'm pretty steamed)  the GTA didn't even give any reasons for such a low score.  (i think it's 'cos i know TOO much about the subject matter, 'cos frankly, i've taken classes on talmudic law, and was able to answer the questions in extreme depth)  --- i realize that sounds incredibly egotistic, but.. grr...

ruby is also sick.  she's had runny poo (tmi, sorry) today, and she hasn't been feeling very good.  :(  she was sick on the kitchen floor - thank goodness it was on the floor mat, i just tossed it, but it was gross/frustrating anyway.  i had to take a second shower 'cos i was worried i got something on me.  

okay, so it hasn't been THAT bad of a day, but i felt pretty yucky.  and i myself am starting to feel yucky in my stomach too.  maybe it's hypochondria?  LOL.  

meh.  be good, folksters.

a quicky, hohoho! *chortle*

alright folksters-

call me crazy, but isn't the big wall street bailout just a form of corporate welfare?  

i only suggest this because the vast majority of supporters of this are; 

a) anti-socialist

b) anti social welfare for the poor and indigent

c) rich rich rich.

seriously, you mention social welfare programs to many of these people, and they go foaming at the mouth.  

and, this isn't to say i disagree (or agree) with the bailout proposals, it's just that wallstreet should be accountable for their missteps and mistakes too.  (don't get me started on all this "oil futures" messhugas.  you know, driving up the price of oil just "because")

on a side note, and even more capitalist driven-  i got my two new pearly snap shirts in the mail today!  i'm stoked, 'cos including(!) shipping, i got the two of them for less than the price of one.  go me! :)

my version of heaven?

if there is a heaven (this is a concept i still struggle with) it is catered with giant trays of muncher's cream cheese doughnuts.  i realize this is a slap in the face to those of you who hold to plato socrates' ideologies, but i love me some pastries :)

anyhow, that weird reference to plato's Republic was my way of coming up with a tie-in to today's activities.  i made a stop by the douglas county democratic office to grab a couple of Obama bumper stickers.  it's in the same shopping center as the community merc where i get all of my bulk herbs and spices.  so i picked up a crap ton of them.  fun right?  (at least it is for me).  i also walked to muncher's and got a cream cheese doughnut.  i haven't had one in nearly a year, and i'd forgotten the amazingly delicious taste of it.  

um, okay, sorry, rambling.  i just wanted to say that even though i had my classes, i had a pretty fantastic day.  now, i need to finish doing a lot of reading, and then write some papers.  bleh!

what did i do?

nothing.  at least that's how it feels.  i accomplished virtually nothing from my list of things to do.  i think i just needed some down time.  unfortunately, i really can't afford that down time, so i'm going to end up paying for it, big time, by the end of this week.

anyhow, my allergies are running rampant, and i can barely see because my eyes are so damn blurry.  -_-  itchy eyes are crappy.  not to mention the sniffling and sneezing!  *whine whine*

i did do a little planning for my great escape though!  so that's nice.  and i actually DID get started on ethan frome which is good.  and i got some new work/play shirts, for next to nothing!  thank goodness for sales hahahaha!  (they're more pearly snap shirts!  i FINALLY figured out where to get them other than goodwill!)

i also watched no country for old men with my parents last night.  it [the film] really disturbed me.  it's not something i'd ever want to watch again.  (and frankly, not a movie i'd have watched on my own accord to begin with)  

okay.. time for more ethan frome.... boo.

ps, read this comic.  (it's non sequitur, and it's one of the most intense strips i've ever seen.)

do you ever feel like...

i don't know where i was going with that subject title, i kinda gave up.

what fun stuff am i going to do today/tomorrow?

1) i'm going to bring some of my aquarium water to get tested 

2) i'm going to read ethan frome.  *CRY CRY*

3) i'm going to finish laundry

4) start the outline for two of my papers due this week

5) some cleaning around the house (mop floors, vacuum dust, etc)

6) work sunday

7) get my compost heap fixed (i need to set the pallets up)

8) finish planning my escape to minneapolis

the dog is sleeping under the coffee table, and she looks so freakin' adorable i could just puke.  i wish it weren't so dark under the table so i could get a good picture with the computer.  (i know if i move to get the camera, she'll wake up and chase after me)

well, off to the tracks...

they don't sleep anymore, on the beach.

well, damn.

this week went by relatively quickly.  which was nice, except that means i have less time to get papers written.  i also have to read ethan frome over the week-end.  and more aristotle.  blah! oh well.  

it also means the high holidays are rushing towards me at the speed of light.  horray!  i still want a shofar, but part of me feels REALLY weird about them, considering they're made out of an animal's antler..  awkward.

tomorrow, i have a religious studies exam.  i'm hoping i do well, 'cos i'd like to have maybe one A this semester, and i think it's my only hope for such a grade.  *sad* 

זה אצוב מאוד גם זה לא טוב שאין במחשב נקודות נכון

i miss my hebrew classes.  a lot.  :(  and i think mavis needs to come over tomorrow.  and i am of the opinion that random music is necessary for my existence.  

before i slip into a deep sleep of edith wharton.

bleh.  i can't stand edith wharton.  at all.  this class would be infinitely better if it were kate chopin, willa cather and louisa may alcott, or charlotte perkins gillman, or zora neale hurston... edith wharton just makes me crazy.  all of her obsessive description... and going off randomly throughout the page... 

okay.. that's a bit like me, but i don't go on and on about a topic, (for sometimes literally pages at a time) and then shift into another thought.

random thought for the day

i smell like dandelions.  for some reason, the sunblock i use, when combined with tattoo goo smells just like dandelions.  

another random thought

my upper arm feels like someone stuck their cigarette against it.  ouch.  it really friggin hurts.

i've been up since shortly after 5, and i'm having trouble focusing (shocker, eh?) but i just drank far too much caffeine, and it's making me all jitters!  and the dog is sitting on the couch next to me making grunting whiney sounds.  (she's trying to tell me to take her on a walk)

i guess i should go do something productive now.

later folksters.

welcome to my brain. it's pretty scary.

i'd been a big user of livejournal.  but lately it has been leaving something to be desired.  

anyhow, i decided to try blogspot out for a little bit, and we'll see where it takes us.

lately, i've been healing from my latest bout of tattooius-armacillus.  and trying to keep myself from staph infection.  ;)   the sleeve is REALLY starting to look fantastic.  i can't wait until it's done though! 

what else have i been doing?  reading.  reading reading and more reading.  this week, plato's trial and death of socrates, edith wharton's the house of mirth and more poetry for my british lit class.  (i think we're doing more coleridge this week).  

hmm..  i'm patiently awaiting a package from veganerotica.com, but it's all hand crafted, so it takes forever...  for now, i'm off to read.  

l'shalom haverim.