a lot has been happening the last few weeks. for instance, our property managers have been screwing us over.

so, we're looking at trying to buy a house. in topeka.

in fact, we're going to look at a few places today. i think we've decided upon one in particular, and are going to look at it a second time, but going to give 3 more a chance. (there was one we were really gung-ho about, but it keeps alluding us. first, the realtor was "busy". then the key was missing. now, the key is STILL missing, so i'm taking that as a sign. lol

anyhow, i'll fill in more tomorrow. i'm all distracted now!

more dreams.

i need to get ready for work, but i wanted to make a short note about my dream last night, elsewise, i'll forget it.

it was an entire day at work. sorta.

i drove there, and parked my car like normal. but as i was walking, lawrence turned into chicago. and then it turned into a part of cape cod (we'll say the harwich area). right, so i'm walking along the coastline to get into my building.

i get into the building, and i realize it's now snowing outside. then i'm told that something "happened" and everyone in the office is having to physically archive everything that's been done in the last year.

so we spend the day doing this, and i start to leave to go home. still snowing, still cape cod. (it doesn't switch back to chicago). i get to my car, and notice that everyone is leaving the parking garage at the same time, they're worried about the snow. this giant hummersized vehicle almost runs me over (it is actually a tiny old daihatsu rocky, http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Daihatsu_Rocky revamped and place on these HUGE tires). i get into my car, finally, and turn on the radio.

a "new" bjork song was playing, and the only words i can remember her saying were "burgers and petri dish-SPONGE!" with an emphasis on the word sponge. i saw a classmate from high school, waved, and woke up as i left the parking garage.

---
i'm so freaking strange.

my bizarre dream.

i just woke up from a dream that really shook me up.

in this dream, i kept hiding in the small bathroom at my parent's house. i had rowen, but not ruby in there with me, and a bunch of blankets and towels on the ground. i kept looking at this car (an OLD red chevy blazer) out the window, but the bathroom door would start to open, and i would try to close it again. i kept hearing scott talking outside the door, but i didn't want him to know i was in there watching this car.

after a while i gave up on the hiding, and said i needed to go upstairs to the fish store. (?)

i get up there, and this big, buxom black lady starts showing me the fish for sale. it was a giant swimming pool (clear) full of male betta fish, and they had the most beautiful colors. in order to get the fish, the lady has to go INTO the pool (which is on the ceiling) and pick it up. i found one that i wanted, white with green/yellow fins that were really flowy. she starts to go in, but keeps grabbing the wrong fish. all of a sudden she screams to turn out the lights, and to hit the floor.

i'm looking out the window in the "fish store" now, and there are a bunch of guys shooting people. they've all jumped out of the red chevy blazer, and are shooting people left and right. the bullets come from the guns like bees out of a hive. they are bright red (they look like embers) and completely destroy whatever they touch (which is usually a person's face). i'm watching this whole event unfold, and can't stop.

all of a sudden, one of the guys notices me, and decides he is going to start shooting me. thankfully, i fall over before any of the bullets can hit me, but they end up shooting a cop in the face. his face looked like raw hamburger meat. then, the cops manage to get them all killed, and i wake up, as i jump into the pool of fish, searching for the right one.

a) what the FUCK does that mean?
b) why do i have to have such vivid, and terrifying dreams?

we do.

well, i've not a lot to say.

i'm tired. and i'm ready for friday. i may even go drink my weight in beer. (or not)

i'm cold, too. wtf is up with this autumn?

and hungry. i'm hungry.

there is probably a lot more i could say, but the computer and i are having a disagreement.

"i love creating disappointment"

we're not deaf.. until now.

i bought some fresh mozzarella balls tonight... damn i love cheese! i know i should have made those into something, or at least IN to something... but they taste so great, i think i'll end up eating them all plain.

i am tired.

there needs to be a way for me to visit some friends. i want to see some dear, dear friends. but i don't have either the time or the money. just know, i MISS YOU!

i'm frustrated with my body. i started working out again, 'cos i've gained quite a lot of weight since i started my new job.. and i've actually put on even MORE weight since i started exercising. i hate it. so much. (okay, i NEED to get over that)

i think i'm going to watch an episode of the nanny, and then head to sleepy-land.
later folksters.

shake the baby. no, don't shake the baby.

well folksters, the sleeve is pretty much done. judith put the finishing block of color (around my elbow, ouch!) onto it last night, and it looks so... complete? i don't really know just how to describe it, it has been such a process and it's a little strange to think it's done (minus touch-ups here and there, and some little "finishing touch" kinda things) we also had a fantastic dinner to kind of celebrate the event :]

no need to fear, though, i already have an unfinished project we are working on, and two others in the thought process! huzzah! (just nothing NEARLY as complicated as the really rosie sleeve) but, grand in their own right!

on the agenda for today.
1) do some housework. the place is a freaking pigsty.
2) do a few hours of work-work.
3) dinner with the folks in topeka.

on the topeka note.. i'm trying to convince the little man that a move to topeka wouldn't be all that disastrous. i found a cute place near 8th and macvicar that would be perfect for us. and since it is in topeka, it would be almost half the cost it would be in lawrence. (which is disturbing) but, it would mean a daily commute. for the boths of us. i'm not quite sure i have myself sold on the idea yet either.

meh. time to get moving. (no pun intended)

okay... we're losing power.

i am watching harriet the spy right now. yes, faithful readers, harriet the spy. why? because i don't feel like turning the channel, surfing throw gobs and gobs of AWFUL programming.

dinner tonight, consisted of delicious take out from cielito lindo. ahhhh... my tummy is so happy!
i'm also happy because i've got two ADORABLE little pups sprawled on the floor in front of me, being very quiet.

i am unhappy, because i'm stressing out about this house situation. i am worried about a lot, but right now, it's the idea that i could theoretically be paying rent on the place i live now, and then a mortgage on the "other" place. that does not sound lovely.

okay, for now, i'm going to watch roseanne for a few minutes, and then perhaps, do some work. (like, job work) still trying to build up a little comp time for the winter break. oh who am i kidding, i'll probably be asleep on the couch within the hour.

take it easy, folksters.

ps, thanks for the support allison!

i haven't played in a long time...

i am updating while sitting on the ground. why? because i've got two huge ass doggles taking up the entire couch. sucks for me. ;] actually, it's pretty nice, i love them, and they're finally sleeping. (plus, it's so freaking cute when they sleep on top of each other)

i only worked 4 hours today, which stinks, but i had a lot of other stuff to do. (plus, one of the passwords was changed, so i had limited access to some of my systems) but, i got some things assigned, and i was able to build up some comp time for my upcoming "vacation" - when school is out for winter break.

well, we took a "tour" of the house on prairie, and it was pretty nifty! i really liked the set up, and i liked the space. the kitchen and bathroom would NEED updating, but even so, that'd be something i'd LOVE to do! i need to do some work with looking at lenders now. and hopefully we'll qualify for an FHA first time homebuyers loan. that would only require 3.5% down, and we could manage that. keep your fingers crossed!

hmm, what else? not terribly excited tomorrow is monday, that's for sure.
oh, and i trimmed up my beard and head. now i don't look like a hairy beast. PLUS, i shaved my left arm, so my sleeve looks much, much better!

alrighty, it's about time i start getting ready for bed.

hot-patootie

i've got this throbbing headache. it's pounding, and i can feel every little movement behind my eyes and in my temples. it is starting to border on nausea.

i think it might just be fatigue, but it could very easily be a migraine. it is that time of the year.

i'm considering just trying to go to sleep right now, 'cos i don't know if i'll be able to drive to topeka. maybe the ibuprofen will start to kick in. hopefully.

tomorrow = 6 hours of work, and a tour of a house. goodness i hope it all works out.

i thought benson was having an affair with ms. ellie

i'm pretty stoked. it's friday evening, i am going to do get some comp time by working on sunday (by CHOICE!), and i'm also going to take a tour of the house on sunday!

today was just crap at work, though. lots and LOTS of crazies. it lent itself to my eating fast food. which is never a good thing. but, i have pretty much the best co-workers/bosses ever. so that made it much, much better!

oh, i watched rocky horror picture show last night. my goodness, i always forget how much i LOVE that movie. i've decided i want to do a reverse gender version of it. that is to say, i'd have a woman pray frank'n'furter, riffraff, brad.. and a man play columbia, magenta, and janet. but, still dressed up as the correct gender. (so, a backwards transvestite transvestite of sorts)

i would want to play magenta. she's my favorite.

okay, i should do some laundry. i need to be "productive" - or something like that...

easy? it's impossible!

i am exhausted. i have a few things to mention, though, so i'll be updating anyhow.

1) i need to trim my beard and shave my head. i'm all bushy! i look like a beast! hehehe
2) i had a nice evening with the scott. we even ran into tom and B at target (i picked up yet another space heater, 'cos our place is already SO cold)
3) we drove by the house i want to look into. the roof and siding look very nice, the foundation looked good from the outside. it even has a two car width carport behind it! we're going to try and tour it this weekend.
4) i am going to go watch some golden girls for a few moments and drink some diet pepsi.

there you have it. brief, but an update nonetheless.

we'll go.

ugh, i've got an ear infection in my right ear. it sucks on several levels.
1) because it hurts
2) because it kinda muffles sound
3) because every time rowen or ruby bark, my ear hurts even more.
i hope it goes away. soon.

anywhoodles, i am going to drive by this house that is for sale tonight. it's less than 100K, and has 2br, 200' more than the house we're in now, and it'd be OURS, as opposed to a rental agency's. it's pretty cute (from the pictures)

i've started the 8-5 month at work (did i mention that already?) which is actually less preferable than the 7.30-4.30. yes, it means i have 30min more in the mornings, but i still wake up at 6.15, so that doesn't matter that much. but, now i deal with EVERYONE else driving on campus at the same damn time... it's particularly awful at 5, because i'll end up sitting at a stop sign for 3mins waiting for everyone to cross.

okay, enough bitching. i need to go DO!

dork. love.

damnit! i forgot to update yesterday!

anyhow, i had an eventful weekend! unfortunately, it went FAR too quickly! yesterday, i finally did some yardwork that i'd been putting off. (in particular, i did the composting that's been neglected, and picked about 3lbs of tomatillos)

i also downloaded a game for my wii that i LOVED as a kid. i'm about to play it now! woo!

i brought the paph to work today, two people commented on how beautiful it is. (and i have to agree) it was a pain to get to work, though.

okay, i'm too excited to play my game. later folks!

how should i know?

i've got two sweet puppies, and a sweet, sweet man - sitting on the couch with me. we're watching the simpsons, and enjoying the fruits of a productive day.

we went to the pumpkin patch this morning, pretty much my favorite october tradition! i got a nice oval orange one, and then a green and white striped one. they're pretty awesome! mavis got one that looks like it has warts, and scott got a "ghost" pumpkin, and a little red one that looks like an onion.

after that, we had lunch, and went to the nursery. i got a new orchid for my office cube! it's a paphiopedilum (lady's slipper) orchid. scott got a "scented geranium" for his office. it smells like lemon!

we also watched some MST3K (pod people). i love me some pod people. LOL.

mavis and i also took a little trek downtown. we got a nice new piece of glasswork. it's quite nice!

now, we come to the beginning of my post (or whatever) - had a nice dinner of junky food with scotty. :]

conundrum.

it's october! holy crap! where has this year gone?

in terms of work, the month came in pretty shitty. so many assy people came in today. i just don't understand why people are so rude. i'm so glad the work day is over. (but, tom came by, so that made it much nicer :)

at the moment, scott is watching project runway. and i'm kinda boycotting it this season. at least until one of the designers gets kicked off. he irritates me so much. ick.

hmm.. i spent a crap ton of money on a simpsons dvd set. but, i love me some simpsons, so it's worth it.

ps. i love the word wroth. and agglutination.

okay, i'm going to drink some diet pepsi, and maybe do some laundry.

pizza-knish.

i ordered an eco-heater today! yay! it is (supposed) to be here friday! horray for free 2-day shipping! it'll be nice having that this year to keep the bedroom warm. (instead of the little "scary" space heater we've had in the past) i'm excited for it to get here, and i even had it delivered to work so i could make sure i'd get it :]

anyhow. had a nice dinner with mavis, jacob and scott, at cielito lindo. i love that place, but their horchata leaves something to be desired. (even so, it is still great food!) and the company was great, too! -- oh, and i had lunch with my co-worker, angela, today, and that was great too! she's such a great person, and so much fun!

by the way, i am proud of myself! even though it was a shorter month, i had more blog posts this month, than all of last month! horray for that!

four totally random notes, before i put the computer away.
1) a dilly bar from the DQ sounds simply amazing right now
2) my eyes are so amazingly sore from being tired
3) i'm excited to go to the pumpkin patch soon!
4) i think it is going to storm tonight! yay!

cold toes!

i'm trying to figure out just how to fit a king size bed into our tiny, tiny bedroom. reason being, ruby and rowen are now both trying to get into the bed. a full size just doesn't cut it with these two dog. we'll see what we can do.

what else have i done today?

i broke a glass at lunch. i was heating up my lunch, and accidentally hit it with the microwave door. *CRASH!* i spent the majority of my lunch break cleaning up BROKEN glass. (pun intended ;)

still trying to figure out something with the "house" situation. i'm not holding my breath, though.

ps. i still want that glass of wine.
pps. after reading my last night blog post, i realize i did it as i was falling asleep, so most of it doesn't make any sense. i apologize.

i'm a good person.

i found out, today, that i can go to robinson gym on campus (for free! yay!) so that makes me happy. i need to find out their hours, though, i'm hoping i can find a time that it isn't ridiculously busy.

on a side note, i have a dog sleeping on my leg. and she is SO fucking cute! she is KONKED out.

i want a nice glass of wine. but it doesn't mix well with my meds, so no go. but damn. it sounds very nice.

finally, i did my awesome jayhawk project yesterday! it looks pretty damn good if do say so myself! it took around 6 hours, and lots of help from the scottie, but it's done, and it looks nice!

damn waterfalls.

finally, last week is over. (that is, officially, since it is now sunday) i don't know what was in the cosmos, but lat week was absolutely terrible. it was just one thing after another going wrong, plus, bat-shit-crazy people at my work. (the threat having to call the police, not once, but twice in the same day is ridix) and then, poor angela was sick - so we missed falafels. :[

oh, and the "doctor" visit.

"here, let me crush your balls between my fingers for 2 minutes, and then verbally abuse you... and then charge you."

i know some people get off on that kind of thing. but my bag is a little less painful. at least if you're going to do it, pay me, not the other way around! LOL but seriously, it's no fun being treated like you're crazy simply because you're doing what every guy between the ages of 15 and 150 is told to do when they feel something abnormal on their nuts.

eh, enough about my junk.

today will start a good week! i'm going in to work today for (enter # of hours here) to work on a project i concocted to use up our expired parking permits. i'm going to make a giant "collage" in the shape of a jayhawk. hopefully, it'll turn out alright! i'll post photos if that is the case. (the best part is, i'm doing something i love to do, AND building comp time, so when my mandatory winter break kicks in, i'll have some hours! huzzah!)

that's really the only other thing i've got going for me this week. except that friday is pay-day. but, that might be what will make it wonderful. last week i had so much planned, and everyone cancelled. (sans mavis, tom, and B - thank goodness for them! they keep me smilin'!) and, hopefully, the nutjobs will keep at bay in terms of job-shit. i won't hold my breath, though :]

once around the mulberry bush

i am tired. beyond measure.

on sunday, i noticed my left nut was really swollen, and sore as hell. monday, it was even worse. so i decided, even though i don't have health insurance yet, to go to a doctor and have it checked out. well, it turned out to be nothing more than an infection, which is great, but the experience was absolutely horrible. the doctor treated me like i was a nut, wasting his precious time. i will NEVER go back. (not to mention it cost me 65$ just to have him treat me thusly)

anyhow, it's autumn! yay! that means warm drinks, jackets, and PUMPKINS! huzzah!!! it's probably my favorite time of the year, sans the allergy meshuggas. it makes me want to go out and get a nice warm soy chai right now!

oh, last thing. i want to look at this house. (to buy) not that i don't like our place now, but i'd like a bit more room. i want a treadmill, and there is nowhere to put one in this house. (ugh, i know, right) well, we'll see.

i think i'd like a shower right about now.

alice in wonderland.

i am disapointing myself, yet again, with this blogspot. i promised myself i'd write more often, but it seems that has gone the way of the birds. (oh yay for euphamisms) i don't like being so lax in my "duties"

okay.

well, we've accquired a new addition to the family. her name is rowen, and she's another belgian malinois (just like ruby) and she's cute, and adorable, and quite a little terror. hahaha! she's just over three months old, so she's still learning to be a good girl. but, her and ruby get along amazingly well. so that's a good thing.

along the lines of being lax in my "duties" comes the topic of exercise. i'd been so good this summer. i jogged nearly every day since may 1st, and had trimmed up some of my belly.. since i started working at my new job, though, i've been so exhausted. much too tired to do much other than the basic daily requirements. (eg, eating, bathing, and making sure there are clean clothes)

finally. while my job exhausts, i do like it. i'm finally making a decent amount of money, and everyone i work for is quite awesome.

alrighty. toodles, folksters.

nice dream. nice dream. nice dream.

well, i've come to the conclusion that i do not like to spend much time on the computer any longer. that is to say, outside of work. it just gives me a headache to look at the computer any longer. therefore, i don't do as much updating as i'd like to. i rarely check anything online anymore, and i tend to avoid using the computer if i can.

anyhow. come friday, i'll have officially worked at my job for an entire month. it hardly seems possible. especially since i don't receive my first paycheque until this coming friday. i'm guessing that's when it'll feel much more official. after living on 25$ for the past month has been fun and all, but i'll be excited to have a few shekels left at the end of the day. (though, this month, not much, 'cos i'm going to be playing catch up on bills)

other news?
it's about time to pull out the apples and honey. that's right folks, rosh hashanah is right around the corner! hard to believe! this year has absolutely FLOWN by!

ugh, headache setting in. it's time time put the blog away. will try to get back to it soon.

two thoughts, before i bring a friend to the airport

briefly.

i am adapting to my job. though, the past week, i worked 50 hours, and had only 15m breaks each day to inhale a food product. i really like the people i work with/for, and i'll be happy as hell when i actually start getting my paycheques!

finally.

there is an american goldfinch that feeds upon the seeds from the purple coneflowers that grow throughout my yard. he (i know he is a he, because they are sexually dimorphic) is quite beautiful, and i enjoy his company. i hope he sticks around.

in case you hadn't heard...

...i am now employed! thank goodness, 'cos things were starting to get lean around here. and i don't mean around the waistline.

anyhow, i'll be working for KU parking department, and that makes me super happy, 'cos working for KU means good things! not to mention, steady pay, and a set schedule. no more of this "10 hours this week, 25 next week, and 8 the week after that" bull!

other than that. enjoying my last few days of "freedom" before i start my job. (monday, the 10th) today, i'm going to have lunch at global cafe, while i finish reading and the band played on. and then i'm going to (maybe?) head to topeka in the evening.

for the time being, i need a shower. i just exercised and am sweaty and GROSS. later folks.

getting ready for lunch.

well, as i said earlier, i am going to keep updating! at least i'll try!

anyhow. i'm back home in lawrence! the greeting wasn't quite exciting though. almost as soon as i came back, my allergies went haywire! my nose started running, my throat started hurting, and my head started hurting! i didn't realize that being away from kansas would make my allergies go all crazy!

i do miss that fresh minnesota air! it smelled so nice, and the air felt so soothing. it was crazy living on an island for a week. AND having no real access to the outside world! it's kind of a bittersweet return. i'm glad to have running water, and ability to cook without rationing water... but it was SO nice up there. i liked not having to be at anyone else's time schedules, i loved the lake water, and i loved the island itself. hmm....

anyhow, i'll be posting some pictures to my facebook soon. i uploaded them to the macbook, but haven't gotten them all resized and stuff. i'll work on that this week, as i get back to reality.

on a side note, i had my interview this morning. i think it went fairly well! time will tell, but i hope to goodness i got it! keep positive thoughts for me!

now, i'm getting ready to have lunch with cori! yay! we planned india palace, but catie's got me all hungry for falafel, so i might ask if she'd be willing to go for pita pit. i know it's not quite as good as indian food, but falafel sounds AMAZING! hmm... or maybe mad greek or aladdin cafe? mmm.. falafel.... LOL

alrighty folksters. catch you later!

really disappointed in myself.

i just noticed, i had one mere post for the entire month of july. and, it was a pretty lousy post at that. albeit, july was a busy month, i should have at least put a bit more effort into it. i guess the funk i've been in just took a toll on my ability to produce anything even bordering on semi-creative. (or at least as creative as one can be in an online journal entry)

while i'm not exactly home yet, i thought i'd make a few brief notes on the past week in minnesota.

a) it was an incredibly long drive (than compared to what i am used to) - think on the range of 12/13 hours (mostly delayed due to construction along I35. thankfully, i broke (and am breaking) each trip into two parts. the northbound trip, we stopped just north of st. paul for the night. the southbound, we are in story city, iowa.
a,i) st paul stay was quite nice.
a,ii) the story city stay has been a bit sketchy. there is something not right about the goings on here in this hotel. i'm ready to leave already.

b) lake vermillion was beautiful. i'll have pictures posted to my face-space soon enough, but they simply can't capture exactly what it feels like. not to mention, not having to look, or smell, presentable several days in a row is nice too. though, it does grow tiring not having fresh running water. (particularly for brushing teeth. bottled water is alright, but it just takes more effort LOL)

c) although i'm worried i am going to jinx myself, i figure i may as well mention- i was called and asked to do a job interview with KU parking dept. it was a bit nerve wracking, though, 'cos they called me on tuesday morning (while up at the lake) and asked if i could do the interview on thursday morning. i asked if there was any way it could be later, and the hiring manager said she'd have to get back to me. -- well, there was very little phone reception up there (i didn't even get the first call until much later in the morning) so i spent several hours wringing my hands in anticipation. finally, she called me back, and allowed me to come in on monday. B"H!

anyhow, i'm sure i have much more to say, but i need to get ready to head out. i want not only to leave this city, but i want to get back home ASAP so i can get everything done before monday morning. later folksters!

ugh, i need to pee. but don't want to get up.

it has come to my attention that i have become quite a lazy bastard when it involves updating my blog. i suck!

anyhow, i am on my way to lake vermillion right now, staying the night in a hotel in st. paul, MN. i'll update my blog for REAL once i return to the sunflower state, but i'll give you a few tasty morsels. or something like that.

right now, i'm enjoying my last little bit of internets, and watching some msnbc (i love me some msnbc!) currently on tap, to catch a predator i don't know what it is about this show, but for some reason, i can't stop watching when it's on. maybe that's MY compulsion? lol.

man... the ride up here was kinda nuts. just because there was so much construction on I35.

i'm reading and the band played on and it is taking me forEVER! it's very in-depth, and very.... i don't know, i'm not being so eloquent 'cos it's getting late, and i didn't sleep well last night. pick it up, though. it's a mere 630ish pages, but well worth it. i'm hoping to finish it up at the lake. we'll see how i stick to my goal. (i also want to go over my GRE study cards)

hmm... i suppose i should get back to my trainwreck tv. and then sleep. take it easy folksters!

musings on the past few months.

i'm a bit confused as to where exactly this year has gone. i seem to remember sneezing sometime between january 1st and today, but then if i think about that, another 6 months has gone by.

seriously, this year is now halfway over. and it has been a pretty rough one so far. economy has tanked, to be sure. a dear friend passed away. scott totaled his car. and i am nae employed.

it has also had its ups. i got to visit good friends in chicago. i took lauren, mavis, and sara to their very first drag shows. i redid my kitchen (which looks fantastic). and most importantly, i graduated college, finally.

i've also made some decisions on/about my life. not always good, but, why dwell. i am, to be certain, not moving to another country for the foreseeable future. i am, instead going to charge ahead with my masters in library management, and then, G-d willing, apply for the PhD in the same field.

finally, my body. i have been more uncomfortable about my body the past few months, than i've been since i was in my teens. i'm not exactly certain, but i feel it. i don't like the way my body looks, at all, and i don't like the way it feels when i do something as simple as jog. it has too much jiggle. i see so many people with nice, firm bodies. or even bodies that don't move nearly as much as mine when doing something as simple as walking, and i feel depressed. i'm always told not to compare myself to others, but when you are constantly flooded with images of nice, non-jiggly bodies, how else should one feel?

enough of my kvetching. take it easy my haverim.

i had a job interview on tuesday evening with headquarters counseling center. i'm not really sure how it went, but i'll find out by friday. i'd really like to have gotten the job, but if i didn't, i guess it wasn't meant to be.

in other news. i've decided, though passive aggressive, i have to get rid of the people in my life who are no good for me. by this i mean, people that make it their prerogative to exclude me from their lives simply 'cos their boyfriend has issues with said individual being friends with me. lame as all hell. i say passive aggressive, because i'm doing it in said manner. but, whatever it takes to accomplish the goal, that's what really counts, right?

oh, and two shifts left at hastings. it's really hard for me to wrap my mind around this, as it would have been 8 years. 8. eight. EIGHT years. that i'd been there on august 1st. absolutely fucking crazy. it's actually even kinda sad. yes, i said it. it's kinda sad. the end of my employ.

finally, i accidentally left a can of diet pepsi in my freezer when i left for topeka today, and it exploded. all over. i hate that!

anyhow. i think i'm going to go try to sleep. i've had a bit of trouble sleeping lately, so i'll take any i can get.
לשלום חברים שלי

i've always known i was overly sensitive, but lately, it seems i get totally frustrated/upset with things that shouldn't bother other people. :[ somedays, it just feels like one disappointment after another, and i really just need to get over it.

anyhow, i've got some shit to do around the house (still) i'm convinced every day off that i have, is spent doing nothing but housework. *sigh*

oddly placed dangling balls

i just read my first "book for pleasure" of the summer. happiness! it was laura moriarty's the center of everything. i read her book the rest of her life for a class this semester and really liked it, so, i figured i'd give this one a whirl. (in fact, i met the author, 'cos she is a professor at KU) i really liked this one as well. i can't decide which i liked more, they're both very different. hmm...

my next book on the list is christopher isherwood's down there on a visit. i'm going to work on that on the plane ride (and back) to chicago. we'll see how it is. i really liked isherwood's berlin stories, but i'm not certain i'll feel the same way about this one. whatever, it's just nice to read for pleasure yet again!

though, i also need to start doing some more studying for the GRE, and applying to more jobs.

and by the way, i also made out a resume template for myself, as well as a cover letter template. i hope to high heavens i can get a job soon. i need a job!

did i mention i'm going to go for the gold and work for my PhD in library and information sciences? well, i am. here's hoping i can do it!

mmk, i need to go try to sleep, 'cos i'm leaving pretty early in the morning. btw, chicag-ites! get in touch with me! will be there until sunday morning! going out to club hydrate tomorrow evening! if you want my number, email me at appletosh3@yahoo.com

what a difference a day (of retail therapy) makes!

אני חושב שצרלז יכול לנשק את התכת שלי
:]

i spent 160$ today at banana republican, and gap (and a little at AE, i know, ew) but got so much clothing for interviews!
two pairs of dress pants, 4 dress shirts, 4 pairs of sockies, and a couple pair of trunks. not too shabby!

i will be visiting kenneth cole when we go to chicago, to get a new pair of interview shoes. *grin* (ps, if you want to make me a happy little gay boy, http://www.kennethcole.com/product/index.jsp?productId=3072249&cp=3075215.3075278.3075281 would be highly appreciated)

:]

oh oh oh oh oh!

i had a dream last night, that should definitely be an episode of lawn and order criminal intent. (or any of the law and orders to be honest)

it was me solving this crazy murder, and it had all kinds of twists and turns. and the end was pretty disgusting.

here's how the dream went-
this little girl had been murdered, and no one knew who did it. they kept saying it was her brother, but i insisted it was someone else. i insisted it was the father/mother but it was a really rich family, so they had people surrounding them not letting me get "good evidence" - well, a lot of blurry stuff that i don't remember happened, and then i was in a room with the parents, the little boy (brother) and the maid. it turned out the mother had murdered the little girl 'cos she was the dad's favorite child, because the mother was upset that dad and the maid were having an affair.

the family didn't want it to get out, 'cos a) they were upper crust and b) they didn't want them to know it was because of the affair. well, i was like chained/tied up? and was watching a lot play out, and the maid threw the little boy into this huge kiln like device as it was on and she killed him too. then the maid came up and tried to bash my head open with an axe, but i woke up.
end dream seqeunce-

it was bizarre. and like, i saw the little kid being burned alive... yuck. but seriously, i need to start making stories out of my dreams. i could have a short story anthology by now if i'd kept track of them all... (this is also assuming anyone would be interested in reading what i have to write LOL)

alright, i had a shitty past couple of days, and i'm trying to convince mavis to go to KC for some retail therapy with me friday, and that's my decided cure-all. (i need an outfit for interviews) take care folks.

waking up.

i'm secretly amused. but overly anxious.

i've got this feeling running through me that seems, to be honest, inappropriate. i feel like i've been lead astray, and the only way back is by crawling on my hands and knees through bits of broken glass, salt, rusty nails, dirt and salt. i'm sure some of it is my own damn fault, but i can't help that my emotions get the better of me sometimes.

i am craving the attention of (one) who wants (or has?) nothing more to offer than a few brief interactions. i'm terribly confused about where i should let my little universe shift.

i don't know how i should approach my future. i want to come at it, screaming like a banshee, but in all truth, i don't come at it, at all. i merely let its waves wash over me, often giving the impression i'm drowning.

and, i've got to say, i'm a bit hurt by a few "friends" as of right now. (could that sound any more emo? - or, for that matter, could what i've been saying all along sound any more emo? ugh.) but seriously, when one says one will go through with a plan, twice, and then one doesn't accomplish said plan, how am i to feel anything but (at least) mild irritation? O_o

okay, enough of my vaguities (word invention!) i need to sit and process.
לשום חברים שלי

i found him!

i'm so ready for chicago it's not funny. i intend on getting total usage out of those effin' metra passes (just like i did last time) and having a blast, culturally and subculturally. going to art institute, visiting (or attempting to visit) several of my friends that have since moved up there. and going to a drag show at (hopefully) hydrate. a very sweet man gave me the info for hydrate. thanks ryan :]

on an unrelated note, we took ruby to the vet today for her annual apperntment. she got her shots updated, and got her blood tests, and got her nails did... and oooh gurl, she be done look beautifer!

seriously, it was good. and she's such a good little dog at the vet. he even told her she had beautiful teeth! (which is true, 'cos we brush them twice a week for her)

getting ready to have dinner with m'allison and brenda. but before that, i think i shall water my garden. later folksters.

raphé

i've got a trillion fucking things spinning through my mind at the moment.

unusual? no.

but today they're much "heavier" than usual. one or two of them is tearing at my heart strings, and that makes me angry and closed off. the bitch of it all, is i don't have anyone with whom i an talk about it. i truly need my getaway. it's coming, soon, but not soon enough.

i feel that another week at my job is going to render me unfit for human consumption. honestly. i felt like screaming my entire shift yesterday.

one of the positive things running through my mind, is that i'm reconsidering the raphé ladder. (a series of frenum piercings along the underside of my wee-willy-winkie)
list of negatives,
ouch. out of "commission" for a good 2-3 weeks. problems walking for a few days. ouch.
list of positives,
they look awesome. personal growth (in the metaphysical terms). i'll have speedbumps! hehehe

ugh... i think i'm going to take a bike ride.

that is all.

Edmonds, James Joseph Bachelor of Arts English

pretty proud of myself.

what can i do!?! what can i do!?!

well, i've been using the wii fit for the past three days. at first i kinda assumed it'd be a joke, but i had a discussion about it with derek's hubby, chad. he said that it was really working him. well, as luck (or whatever) would have it, there was one for a very reasonable price at my work. (think 30$ off) i've got to say, my abs are killing me. every time i sneeze, it's torture! (which means i was in worse shape than i'd originally thought)

so yay chad! for recommending such a great tool!

for those of you who don't follow my facespace. i've been listing graduation present ideas. LOL. i realize no one should have to buy you anything, but these are a few items that might be necessary in the upcoming months.

i'd love a DSLR camera, an ipod nano (red or green 16g), a macbook air. i have some others to put up, but i don't want to reveal too much........

on an unrelated note. HOLY FUCKING SHIT I'M DONE WITH MY LIFE AS AN UNDERGRAD! (G-d willing) if i passed my PHIL exam on monday, i'll be a college graduate. it's rather hard to comprehend. and, i'm not truly sure it's hit me yet. and, i realize that it's not really that big of a deal, but for me it is. i flunked out of my first semester of university, and then dropped out of school altogether at one point. so this, for me, is big.

aside from that, i've just been whirling around the house, trying to get it nice and clean for company on sunday. it's amazing how much i'd let it go to pot. but, i thought i'd just take a moment and reflect while i listen to sigur ros and have the dog sleeping on the floor at my feet.

long live the king!

i have one last final tonight. holy fucking shit. so unceremoniously ending with western civ 2 final.

i've been doing more in the yard. 'cos i love love love being outside. it's muggy as all get out today, though. i'm hoping that means we'll get some rain. but hopefully not while i'm walking to my final. :\

doing a lot of housework for the upcoming sunday event. and at the sunday event, my big announcement! yay!

have a lot (i mean a LOT) swirling around inside my ol' head right now. and it makes for a unpleasant experience being me at the time. i'd really like to hash it out, but it doesn't make sense no matter which way i write it (or even speak it)

i'm feeling socially frustrated. i'm feeling socially malignant. i'm feeling socially neglected. i'm feeling socially irresponsible. i'm feeling socially isolated.

mostly, i'm feeling misunderstood, and that, dear friends, is the worst feeling of them all.

a bit of tender vittles

i am graduating in one week. ONE week. that terrifies me. obviously. i'm also feeling amazingly serene. it's going to happen (G-d willing) whether i like it or not, so i figure i'll just let it come.

anyhow, today has been nice. i went to topeka to see my mother for mother's day. we had a nice little brunch at my sister's house, and it was very tasty. (particularly this blueberry + cream cheese french toast concoction my mother made.)

after that, we went to a greenhouse/nursery just north of town and got my momma lots and lots of plants. we got some tarragon, basil, parsley, rosemary, oregano, and pineapple sage. we also got her this gorgeous purple rose bush, and a new lilac bush to replace the one my little sister accidentally mowed over last year. (oops!) i decided to get myself a little patchouli plant. it's so cute, and it smells so great! i'm not sure how that'll go, but, we'll see!

after we got home, i planted the lilac bush that we bought for scott's mother after she died (that makes it sound awful) we actually bought it in leu of flowers. and then i planted my purple basil, and my sweet basil. scott also had a thing of "candy mint" that i planted. here's hoping they all do well!

i love gardening. maybe too much.

t-minus one week to my big announcement!

clarity, or bullshit. whichever.

my brain is about to explode. i have so so so so so much on my mind. and i really want to talk about it, but i'm going to keep it under the toupe' until sunday, may 17th.

i think, instead, i'll write it down in my true/real journal. (like the paper and pen one)

ps. i'm going to get some rocks for a border so i can build a little "garden" along my driveway today. and also along the upper part of my sidewalk. (i'll take pictures)

nuts. and stuff. seriously, i had so much clarity today, and now i understand so much that i'm going to need to do. and i'm terrified, and i'm a little upset. but i'll do what i need to!

i'm just a small town girl.

a bunch of milestones!

well, this is apparently my 100th blogspot post. woohoo! strangely enough, it's not met with much fanfare. hahaha

as i was sitting here on the 26th anniversary of the day of my birth, i was pondering "what have i done for the world?" the truth is, i'm not really sure. but, one thing is for certain, i did become "gay-daddy" to a wonderfully sweet little belgian shepherd named ruby-moobie hilly-billie criqui-edmonds! and, the best birthday present, was ruby giving me lots of kisses to wake me up this morning. :]

on to more important things. i need a job. a real job. and if you know of anything, throw some info my way. i am not above nepotism. :] i have been looking not only along the I70 corridor, but in emporia, minneapolis, austin, chicago, and bay area as well. (i figure what the hell, might as well have fun with it)

okay. i'm feeling a bit peckish, i'm going to eat something, and then get ready to head to KC for birthday dinner/dancin'!

hard things to do

today this weekend have been such a roller coaster. (frankly this whole week has been)

one week ago tonight, we were woken up at 2.45am being told that scott's mother had passed away. tonight was the first sunday we had sunday dinner without her. (the past couple of sundays, when she was in the hospital, we just had dinner elsewhere) it's amazing how quickly i went from having a pretty good day, to feeling totally devastated. it's the things like our sunday dinners, or calls to her when we don't know the date of something, or my upcoming graduation and xmas, that really make me feel sad.

anyhow. saturday was pretty nice. i got some work done on my sleeve. judith and i even came up with an idea for a small memorial for rose in the art. see, there are about five tombstones surrounding my wrists, and one of them was still empty. that is to say, judith told me she'd fill it in the last time we worked on them. (kinda eerie, huh?) anyhow, judith put a giant yellow rose in the center of the headstone, along with an "R" because yellow roses were roses (hehe) favorite. in fact, each of her sons gave her a yellow rose to be buried with. this was my way, since i was just a son-"in-law" and not an official son. i think she'd get a kick out of it, since she always liked seeing my latest artwork.

then at my folks house afterward, storms started going all crazy. strangely enough, the tornado went just by topeka, and hit north of lawrence instead. this was after learning about the passing of bea arthur, aka my favorite golden girl - dorothy.

earlier today, i worked on my HWC essay (that was technically due friday, but i had NO time to work on it last week, as it was spent trying to deal with a lot of grief, and a lot of "getting stuff done." i got an extension on the essay, and i was given until tuesday to turn it in, B"H. well, i finished it this afternoon, with time to spare. after that i decided to do a little yard work. i used the weed-eater (great investment btw) and scott and i picked up the little spikeballs from the sweetgum tree all over our lawn.

now, i'm sitting on the porch, feeling awfully sad, but listening to an amazing sound (the wind) in the trees. i keep telling myself that rose is hanging out with us, 'cos i think i need to feel that way in order to not feel so sad. and that's how i've felt since we left his brothers' house. just sad. i definitely haven't had time to grieve, and i think i'll be spending the next few weeks (months?) doing that. so, i apologize if i seem a little "down" when you see me.

well, i suppose i should go in the house now, it's starting to sprinkle a bit, and my computer definitely does not need water on it.

goodbye rosie

for those of you who i (or scott) haven't told, scott's mother, Rose, died this morning around 2:30. while we knew she was sick, and didn't have much time, we were not expecting it to be so soon.

i'll just cross-post the visitation time from scott
My mom and I would like to let all of you know her funeral arrangements:

Mom's viewing from 12PM to 7PM on Thursday, April 23rd @ Rumsey-Yost (601 Indiana St. Lawrence, KS)

The family is receiving guest from 5:30PM to 6:30PM on Thursday, April 23rd @ Rumsey-Yost

Graveside services 11AM Friday, April 24th @ Oak Hill Cemeter

---
if nothing else, keep him, his family, and his mother in your thoughts/prayers/whatever.
<3 folksters

stix n' stones

i woke up this morning to an incredibly sunny day. it's been overcast since saturday morning, and i decided to make good use of the sunshine and read my text for western civ in the window. it was glorious to feel the warm sun on my skin. even ruby participated by lying on the floor where a sun-spot had warmed it.

i then checked my facebook email, and was surprised to find out i had won a contest! i entered to win a new furmintor (dual de-shedding tool) and i actually won! i rarely win anything, so this was quite a surprise! :] i'll let you know how well it works when i receive it.

anyhow, my dear friend christian (or as i like to call him, Xian) was visiting last week(end) for the easter holidays. he stopped by our place for a bit on saturday evening, and spread all sorts of happiness and mirth just by entering the house. long story short, he's finally convinced me i need to make it up to NY to visit him. sooooo, i'm looking at my options, scrimping and saving, and attempting to make the trip to stay with him in brooklyn for a few days this summer! (i'll also need to visit rach(a)el and her sister sarah when i go, too) while i'm gone, scott will try to make a trip to d.c. to visit his best friend Erin, so good times will be had by all! :]

i am impressed with myself, 'cos i actually did my PHIL homework ALL last night! i need to finish reading twilight of the idols for my HWC class and then finish reading tree of smoke for my ENG 325 class... but, i'm more caught up than i've been since the beginning of the semester, so that isn't too bad! ---i'm neglecting to mention the HWC paper, 'cos i don't want to think about it after a great morning. hahaha

and, this upcoming saturday is the TSO show that i will be seeing/listening to! a saint-saens organ symphony is just what the doctor ordered! and by doctor, i mean myself.

now, to read a bit, and then have lunch with scott. later, folksters!

ugh.

typically i think that those little "side-popups" are pretty good at getting my deepest, darkest desires. they generally pop up with things i've used in the past.

for example, i might see a "dick blick art supplies" or a "minneapolis hotel deals" or even something to do with puma shoes or kangol hats.

today, it got a little TOO personal. the side-popup today said "are you having colon issues? we've got a remedy!" ICK! i appreciate trying to help me maintain a level of regularity, but i really didn't need to see that this early in the morning. i guess it's better than getting penis enlargement or porn popups while i'm on campus, but still...

and then yesterday. (well, technically last evening)
mavis, scott and i decided to go for a little stroll along the river near our house. when we got there, there were seriously two people having sex in their car. it was so gross.

then, after our walk, i notice this stupid family throwing a football in the parking lot, and i noticed the ball HIT scott's car. so i suggested we hurry back to the car. then the fuckers did it AGAIN as we were trying to get into the car! they were like "oh, gee, sorry." fuckin' rednecks. i told scott he should accidentally run over the baby stroller (it didn't have a baby in it)

anyhow. i'm getting ready to go to sunrise nursery & greenhouse. later folksters.

oh my G-d you're gay! - only mavis will get this.

i'm pretty excited 'cos scott is thinking of getting us passes to the 24 hour fitness place here in lawrence. we used to go to LAC, but they didn't have such great hours, and we weren't terribly impressed with the staff (pretty rude). this way, i could go at like 11p and come home afterward and go to bed. horray for that!

i worked on my yard a little bit friday. i must say i'm pretty excited for spring to FINALLY arrive. (i mean come on, it's april for goodness' sake!) AND i get to actually do the mowing myself this year, 'cos i talked to the property management people, and they said it'd be fine! (my reel mower won't go to waste!) and, i used my 50$ rebate card to get a weed eater at ace hardware. it's just a basic little electric thing, but i'm so excited to use it!

i was toying with the idea of driving to st louis on the 17th of april, 'cos tania katan will be doing a speech (sorta) and book signing, but the 18th is the closing performance of the topeka symphony orchestra, and they are doing a saint-saens organ symphony. i would LOVE to see/listen to that. hmm... what to do?! i suppose i could leave at like 8am from st louis on saturday, i'd be back by 1pm... hmmm (i'd prefer not to head back after the event, 'cos i'd be home by like 3am, and that's just icky)

okay, i'm going to take a shower, and then head to la prima tazza. take it easy folksters.

my list

i've been so heavily focused on the negative lately (there has been a lot to be focused on) so i decided to focus on some things coming up within the next 9ish months that i'm really looking forward to. they aren't in any particular order, i am excited for them all. :]

btw, get a hold of me, i haven't seen many of you in weeks/months/years.

21 things i am excited for:

1) going BACK to chicago in june
2) going to another show at the chicago symphony - dvorak suite
3) relying solely on mass transit for a week
4) GRADUATING! may 17th!
5) possibly getting accepted into grad school (i wouldn't start until january)
6) lunch with mavis tomorrow
7) another dinner with judith
8) seeing lauren in her home turf again
9) finishing up my sleeve
10) tomorrow night, 'cos friday nights are pretty much the best nights of the week
11) quitting my current job and getting a new job
12) seeing (hopefully) a lot of people i haven't seen at my graduation get-together on may 17th -- i'll be sending out invitations next week
13) listening to the nashville symphony perform gershwin (doing that now actually - rhapsody in blue.. *drool*)
14) riding my bicycle when the weather behaves
15) possibly moving out of state for grad school (assuming i'm accepted) -- applying at ESU, MU @ columbia, UTexas @ austin, North Texas U @ denton, and U of Illinois @ urbana
16) stopping by one of sari's hebrew classes next week
17) being a cheeseball and getting a new "manbag" -- seriously, it's cheesy.
18) going back to california, more specifically, to drive along highway 1 again (it's one of the few places where i've felt absolutely in tune with the earth)
19) making some tea with coconut milk
20) going to tea gschwender
21) taking an ikea vacation with one of my cunt nuggets ;)

normally i wouldn't do this, but this dream was so bizarre.

i had a dream. it was really intensely vivid.

it started out, i was a "little kid" - but still 25. derek, his boyfriend and scott and i were having a slumber party. then when we were eating popcorn, mavis was telling me that marcia cross was the daughter of someone famous, but she didn't know who.

then the dream morphed, and i was taking a shower at my current house, and scott was in the bathroom reading me "the little engine that could" - crazier. all of a sudden, mavis comes in, and says in one of those tv voices (like the ones on a documentary on E! "oh, yeah, she's the daughter of clint eastwood. tragedy struck, when he died today, marcia cross is devestated."

so i said, "I'm not so sure about that, mavis." and decided i should drive to topeka to ask my dad. because apparently phones and internet didn't exist (?)

so we get to topeka, ask my dad, he says yes, and i say "okay we'll go home now"
as we're driving home, scott says he has a sore throat, and that he'd rather just stay the night at my folks' house, and he tries to make a uturn on I70. for some reason, in dream land, when you make a uturn, you have to get out of the car at one stop, and get back on at another (kinda like on the subway, or a bus). well, someone steals the car, 'cos it's in the SKEEZIEST part of topeka, and then we have to walk to my parent's home, being hassled the whole way.

we make it there, and the next day are looking at kitchen faucets (why?) we're at home depot, and i tell scott i like "the one with the weird "lip thing that pours water!" i bring him over to show him, and i test it, and lo and behold, it's actually hooked up to a high pressure line. so water sprays all over me.

this lady i don't know says "jeez, what a toothpick!" and i go "excuse me?" then she says "we'll, you're the nutjob that turned on the faucet"

so i walk up to her, flip her off and go "listen bitch, who just assumes the faucets will be hooked up?"

so i storm off, and start talking about the insurance on scott's stolen car, and the lady comes up behind me, and won't leave me alone, telling me she'd like to "talk to my doctor about this" (((this is my old doctor, from when i was a kid))) dr. parr goes "listen lady, i don't have time for this"

and then i woke up.

it's a prepaid visa!

it seems we'll be receiving somewhere from 4-12" of snow this weekend. wtf?! i am most assuredly not looking forward to that.

i have to watch the film zodiac for my recent pop lit class this weekend, so i'll probably rent it and head to topeka after class tomorrow.

i sliced my middle finger open on the lid from a can of tomato paste today. it hurt, and i'm bleeding like crazy. :[ stupid cuts!

not looking forward to my PHIL discussion tomorrow. not only 'cos i hate the course, but i also hate the classroom. it isn't so much a classroom as a conference room that somewhere around 30 of us are crammed into. even shoved together, we don't all fit at the table, and it makes for an incredibly uncomfortable situation. -_-

i've been almost 48 hours without diet soda. blah... i've been drinking buckets-full of water, and now i pee every 20min. eventually, i'll detox from all the caffeine.

okay, i'm going to eat something before work, and finish reading oscar wao. later folks.

xeno xeno xeno!

a few things-

1) i'm giving up drinking diet soda. (well, all soda, but i only drank diet) because it is far too expensive, and it's terrible for my health.

2) fenugreek makes me stinky. seriously, it makes my body emit a nasty odor. i've noticed this in the past, but recently ate a dish with the primary seasoning as fenugreek, and have come to the conclusion it is, indeed, fenugreek.

3) i've started down a dangerous road of watching desperate housewives. fuck you very much lifetime tv!

4) i've planned a second (and am planning a third, with mavis) visit to the windy city. for the next visit, i've already picked flight/hotel, and am going to get a couple of tickets to the chicago symphony orchestra. (the CSO is absolutely amazing)

5) i am blessed with the greatest friends one could ever ask for. seriously. chances are if you are reading this, you hold a very, very special place in my heart. (you may now puke)

6) the wii just started glowing blue. i haven't turned it on since winter break, so i'm not sure why it is doing this.

7) chicago's mass transit is probably the easiest transportation to use/figure out in the world. thank you cta!

don't PUSH it rudy.

even though it was subprime conditions, i still managed to pull of a semi decent grade on my HwC midterm! huzzah! i'm actually really very excited about this!

i've gotten everything painted in the kitchen and living room that i wanted painted, so that's even more good news! i did a few paintings on canvas to make the kitchen look more "put together" too. i'm sure you've seen them if you're on facebook, but, you could come see them in person sometime too!

i'm going to be in chicago within about 25 hours, and that's pretty exciting. although, i won't have a car, so i'll be at the whims of chicago public transit. i was really wanting to take a jaunt out to schaumburg, but the public transit doesn't go where i need. -_-

i would really love some homemade blueberry cobbler with fresh homemade iced cream. mmmmm...

okay, that's about it. later folks.

whistle and bees

*squee!*

it's spring break! horray!!! horray!!! (okay, not technically yet, but i had two of my professors cancel class tomorrow. HWC 'cos we just had our exam today, so we have nothing to discuss in discussion, and ENG 325 'cos we had to watch a movie outside of class time. -- bfd about the movie, it was actually good)

after the exam, i came home and had lunch with ruby. then we took a brief walk. now i'm getting ready to do a little painting horray!

later this evening, scott and i are going to the apple store in leawood (ick) 'cos my ipod is acting wonky, and i've only had it since august, so it's still in the year warranty. though, every time i try to show someone the problem, it works just fine. >_< AND i hate kansas city, so i'm slightly apprehensive.

friday. i'm cleaning the house all day, and doing some more painting. unrestrained cleaning of the house! horray! and for SURE working on my rasterbation (or maybe i'll do that saturday?)

side note- in my western civ midterm today, the room was hovering somewhere around 92°. it was bordering on intolerable. and then, the guy sitting next to me, had terrible BO. that DID make it intolerable. i felt like throwing up the whole time.

i realize that's a pretty shitty thing to complain about, but when you're trying to take an exam, it makes it difficult.

julia roberts ruined it!

well i've been a busy bee!

i've been doing housework out the wazoo! not only did i do lots of yardwork this weekend, i also did lots of INSIDE housework. lots and lots of cleaning (and still have more to do)

today i also got a new showerhead 'cos while i was taking a shower last night, ours started spraying all over the place. the seals finally wore out and broke (i'm not surprised, that thing has got to be at least 10 years old) the new one is an environmentally friendly water reducing "rain style" one. it's very nice, and now i actually have a showerhead that i can stand underneath! the other one was so short that i had to duck to get underneath it. huzzah!

other than that i rearranged the living room a bit, and cleaned out the aquariums. the new pygmy angel (named cilantro) seems to be adjusting well to the new home :]

i got also decided to update the handles on the kitchen cabinets and drawers. you'll understand why if you come visit me :] i've also spent the rainy evening collecting rainwater for the orchid. horray for it finally raining! (well, i suppose it rained on saturday too, but i wasn't here to collect any)

tomorrow, aside from class, i have lots more housework to do, particularly laundry and rearranging some kitchen stuff. i also need to finish reading the rest of her life by laura moriarty. tomorrow evening, coffee with tommy! fun! :]

okay, i'm going to relax/go to bed now.

we lahv her!

today was a very busy day for me indeed!

i woke up (too) early today. which was kinda irritating 'cos thursday is generally the only day i get to sleep in. i was awoken at 8ish to the neighbor using a chain saw. seriously, a chainsaw at 8am?

anyhow, i then got a call from fedex about my fish (did i mention i ordered a fish?) being in. yay! i spent several hours doing drip acclimation for him/her. drip acclimation is an incredibly lengthy project, but it is vital in order to guarantee the survival of a salt water fish.

http://www.saltwaterfish.com/site_11_03/acclimation.php watch that, it's what i have to do every time i get a new saltwater fish.

the fish seems to be doing well so far. s/he's found a hidey-hole, and every once in a while comes out to say "hi!" s/he's very pretty. deeeeeep purple, with some bluish tints, and a white tail.
http://www.saltwaterfish.com/site_11_03/product_info.php?products_id=2935&parent_category=4&category_search=61&root_parent_id=4 this is sorta what s/he looks like

after that, i decided to do some yard work. i raked out the flowerbeds, i composted, i built a new compost bin, i raked the back yard. it was loads of fun! but i'm sore as hell now, 'cos i haven't done that much manual labor in some time. i also planted a few seeds (johnny jump-ups). i'm hoping they don't sprout before our last hard freeze. (i realized i probably shouldn't have planted them yet, but, oh well)

then work. fun.

we found out that scott's mother's cancer is inoperable. that's really not good. she'll have a meeting discussing plans of care next thursday. one of the options is chemo, which they'll most likely pursue, but if it won't really do anything to help, and just make her last months miserable, it may not be worth it.

now i'm wasting time writing a blog entry when i should really be working on my HWC reaction paper.
okay, goodnite.

bare-knuckle boxing

yeah, it's been quite a long time since i added my thoughts into cyber-space.

it's been a big roller coaster of events (and it's been mostly down the track)

here's the cliff's note version:
scott's mother went into the hospital last thursday (the same night my nephew brady went in). brady is doing 100% better, scott's mom is not. i'm not going to put it all out onto the interweb, but if you'd like to know what's going on, you know how to get ahold of me.

work=not so great.

scott is sad. and i wish i could make him feel better.

i have a 7 page paper to write. -_-

i've read quite a few decent novels this semester.

i'm tired.

i gave ruby a bath today. she smells very nice right now. i also used the fur-minator on her, she had SO much hair that came off! (she's losing her winer coat now)

nuggets of my life

a) i have a sore throat now. i was out of cough syrup, so i got some new. this kind i got is specifically for sore throats, and it's supposed to taste like mint. (i was thinking good! it'll be so much better than the ol' red and green flavored) i was wrong. it's almost worse. *shudder*

b) i took a dose, and now i feel all woozy and good. i love cough syrup :]

c) i got a response from all three professors, and all three of them have agreed to write letters of recommendation for me!

d) i'm watching a program on PBS about lobotomies. it is GROSS! but incredibly hard to stop watching.

e) i have to read an entire 400pg book by wednesday. oy!

f) work is going to suck tomorrow. so i'm taking my cough syrup with me. :] (it's going to suck 'cos i have to be there at 7 -BFD- but working that early when i'm sick, sucks.

a plate full of too much!

oh my goodness haverim!

i am studying for the GRE, working on some application junk, trying to convince three former professors to write letters of recommendation (i've secured two now!), clean the house a bit, figure out where i'm going to live (if i'm accepted, B"H), keep up with homework, and deal with some funky illness.

i need to work on my CV, but have been realizing that i don't really DO that much outside of school/work/housework. -_-

i was feeling overwhelmed, so i stayed up for nearly 2 hours last night "window" shopping at IKEA direct. hahaha. it was therapeutic, and it made me feel calm for quite a while.

i'll need (assuming i am accepted) a;
bed frame/mattress
chair
table and two chairs (to use as a desk and a dining room table)
a handful of dishes/cutlery
a kettle and a french press

it'll be an incredibly sparse "bachelor pad" with enough to get by. i'm looking at a studio, or 1 bedroom apartment. i'll take a couple of pans from my own kitchen, a few blankets and sheets, the big underbed storage bins that don't fit with the bed we have here in lawrence. (those i'll keep my clothes instead of having a dresser)

i'm hoping for a ground level place, that way i don't have to lug my bike up and down stairs every day, but it is a pretty light commuter bike, so i should be ok either way.

i'll be accepting IKEA giftcards for graduation presents :]

asleep at the wheel

my sleep patterns have been quite erratic as of late. i blame this on a strange class and work schedule. M-R i don't have class until later in the day, but F i have a class at 9a. because of the later classes M-R, i sometimes work at 7a. so some weeks i wake up at 6a on any day from M-F. and then 7.45a on friday. sometimes it'll be T and W, some weeks it'll be just T or W some weeks it'll be on a M... it's just so confusing.

and then since saturday, (mainly just saturday through last night) i've had trouble falling asleep since my arm has been a bit sore from the new ink. it's just hard after some sessions, 'cos i'll be worked on in such a spot that makes laying in position difficult. and this last time, we worked on a complete 360° area of my arm. (not to mention the most sensitive parts of my arm, eg near my armpit, my inner arm, and the ditch of my elbow) it's looking amazing though! (of course) i just can't believe it'd been over 4 months since i'd had anything added to it!

in sad news. one of the baby cardinals has passed on. i'm not sure what happened exactly. i fed them a few nights ago, and both were in there, and then the next morning for feeding, one of them was gone. i'm guessing because they were both so young, it didn't take much of a fluctuation to do it in. sad nonetheless.

last night, i made this new recipe. it was kindof a pseudo-curried chicken dish. incredibly mild, and not something like i'd made before. it didn't turn out too bad! i upped quite a bit of the spices (ginger, turmeric) and added a few not called for (like some red pepper, and a bit of garam masala) i'm not sure how it would have tasted with out it! 'cos it was pretty "bland" as it was. (bland, not bad) i also added red bell pepper to it, 'cos i was feeling in the mood for bell pepper.

after dinner, i went against reason, and watched a movie instead of reading for a class. bad james!

was busy all day monday doing housework, putting stuff together.

have to really bite the bullet and get my homework done!

for now, i'm going to grab a quick bite to eat, and then take a shower for class. and then work.

sorry for such a lengthy entry, i still have more to fill in, but realized it was after 10.30.

i need something to drink.

i've been so incredibly productive the past few days. i finished up my kitchen (did i already mention this?) and only have a few minor touches left. i cleaned the bathroom (sans mopping the floor) and did some dishes yesterday. i need to do the floors, but i'll probably wait until sunday. we'll see.

i did my paper on rousseau. bleh. now i need to study for my PHIL test. *sigh* i'm not excited for that. my only hope is that it'll mean we have a short discussion tomorrow. one can hope, can't one?

i need to get my application for ESU in order. and find a third person for a letter of recommendation, too. (i've got two, assuming they'll agree)

tomorrow, i'mo clean up mavis' car. and then after dinner, scott and i are going to watch the gayest film ever! (yentl) i'm kind of excited, i've never seen it before.

okay, sleepy time.

robble robble robble

i'm feeling all jittery right now. shaky and jittery. i'm not really sure why, and it's not so much fun, but i'll deal. i've also got a little bit of a headache, and that's much less tolerable.

i'm also feeling a bit "stressed out" which i blame on my inability to sit still and read. i can't get into this post renaissance french bull crap. i can't stand rousseau. blah. plus, i'm restless. just plain ol' restlessness. i think i'd benefit from a day off. but, instead i think i'll just go to bed early tonight.

i am so in love with my new kitchen! the only thing that would make it better were if my floor were "right". i eventually want to get some black and white checker tiles in it.

oy, i felt that i had something substantive to say, but it seems i've either forgotten what to say, or i didn't actually have anything important to say to begin with.

i think i'll go get myself a diet pepsi and watch some full house. lolercopter.

the day the music died

alright.  even though i have quite a bit i could should be doing right now, i'm going to gab for a bit on my good ol' journaly/bloggy.

i had a terrible night of sleep last night. i didn't fall asleep until sometime after 2, and was up at 5. i didn't have to be up until 6, so i was pretty peeved about that.

then i went to work. work was actually not bad. i got to work in receiving today, doing inventory. it was nice 'cos i had a lot to do, so it made time fly by. i picked up my final book for the semester at work, too. it's a graphic novel. crrrrazy! it's not every day you have a class with a syllabus including a graphic novel! (though truth be told, i did have two other classes that used graphic novels... my how i love being a lit major! :]

now, i'm at home, and i have so much i should be doing. par example, reading for my HWC, ENG, and PHIL classes. studying for my PHIL test, and working on my HWC paper. i also need to finish the details of the kitchen, and clean it as well. (i did paint that final wall, so horray for that) i need to run by the grocery store, get gasoline, do laundry, and run to evil empire & breast buy as well.


what would i like to do though? maybe do a little kitchen stuff, run to breast buy (to pick up the gayest film EVER), get a diet pepsi, and take a nap with the ruby.

okay. time to be productive.

sperm donor dad

okay, just so you know, i love you.

i am so very sore today.  my body is achey all over, particularly on my hands/wrists.  all that hard work and labor!  i feel so excited to have done that work!  yay for me!  and have i mentioned how much i love my kitchen?

i REALLY need to shave right now.  my beard is allllll kinds of crazy.  i need to trim my nails too. yeah, i've kinda let myself go the past few days/weeks :]  

last two things:

-i dropped my ENG 570 class 'cos i was reading 2 books a week JUST for that class.  which doesn't bother me, and i liked the professor, but when combined with the classes i actually NEED in order to graduate, it was just too much.

-i bought a new tv.  (don't judge me!) and now i get all kinds of television channels!  i just used to get around 23 channels, now i get something like 100!  and am paying no more for the cable bill!  and, now i'll be able to see the characters on my wii!  (i originally had a 19" tv, now i have a 32" tv LOL.  i feel so gluttonous!)

okay.  later folks.

progress.

well, it turns out the wall behind the sink WASN'T fucked up after all.  it was in fact, the counters that were already there.  while this doesn't surprise me that much, it is a little shocking, 'cos it's amazing just how inept the people were!  

by the by, when we were taking the countertops out, they literally CRUMBLED!  i gave it a few smacks with the mallet, and it just disappeared. 

the faucet and the sink have been the biggest issue.  #1) was with the faucet.  since it's a european faucet, none of the little fasteners fit.  anyhow, that got fixed after 4 different runs to home depot and ace hardware.  #2) was the sink.  the only issue was the hole for the faucet.  you use this really wacky metal tool that you spin around with a wrench.  it uses pressure and torque and all that physics stuff to eventually punch a hole in it.  it took SO much work to do it!  

the counters took a while to cut, but they went fairly smoothly.  and everything is looking so nice!  we only have to do a little fiddling with the drain pipes and with the hot water knob under the sink.  

i'm excited for it to be done, i'll take pictures, obviously :)

those are the miracles you pray for...

...so get down on your knees!

i'm in an incredibly goofy mood right now!  i don't know why, i don't know how.  but, there you have it.  i'm all kinds of giggles, and have been dancing around the house with ruby while making marinara sauce for dinner.  

i have to go get scott at 3.30, and then rush him home, and rush myself back to work, woo!  good times!  

i have so much to read tonight/tomorrow.  i need to read my PHIL book, and need to work on my HWC (second paper).  and then saturday!!!  i get to put up the wall!  and i get to put in the counters!  derek you should come help!  i'll buy you dinner!  i'm serious!  exclamation point!

i have to figure out the backsplash still.  i've been told to try this little interior design place downtown, but they are expensive like WOAH!

speaking of expensive, i think we've shifted the car pick for scott.  and i'm not quite sure how he feels about it, 'cos it's more than he was wanting to spend... hmmmmmmm...  i think we'll be making our final decision friday.  (i hope so, 'cos i'm getting damn sick of driving him around all the time LOL)  it's not that i mind that much, it's just all the other little errands i have to run in addition.  ya know?  like having to run to the grocery store 3 times in a row, or having to get the crap i forgot on campus and running scott to get the stuff out of his old car... all that kinda stuff.

i ran through a bunch of "super bowl" recipes today, too, and i found a really yummy looking spinach/artichoke dip.  i'm pretty excited to try it out!  especially now that i have a new crock to cook it in!  yay!  

okay, i think i'm going to run around in circles for a bit before picking scott up.

too much to do. and with no time.

well, sorry, i've been neglecting you lately journal.  and i really shouldn't' be doing it tonight, either, 'cos i have SO much to do. 

but i thought i'd say really quickly

1) scott totaled his car last week.  and he's kinda getting screwed on the insurance.  

2) we've kinda narrowed it down to two cars to replace the old one. (an 08 sonata and an 08 elantra)

3) i have so much homework. so. so. much.  i am reading 4-5 books a week now.  and that's incredibly difficult for me.

4) i was sick with some stomach bug this weekend and really until today.  it was yucky.

5) i have a new phone. i'm not sure about it yet.  it's a marked improvement from the old phone, but it has a REALLY sensitive touch screen, so i end up turning it off a lot.

6) i smell like hamburgers.  GAG. 

7) i'll be (hopefully) installing my counters/sink this weekend.  and putting up a "new wall" behind the sink.  derek, if you want to help, my dad and i would love to have you over!  heheehe

8) i have two baby banggai cardinals in my saltwater tank.  these little fish are the cutest little things i've seen ever!

9) i want nothing more than to sit on a warm beach, with a giant margarita, a few good books, and my ipod.  anyone want to do that for me?

okay.  later.

we need to talk.

hate hate HATES driving in 40mph wind with snow all over the ground!

that is all.  more later.

blurble blurble blurble

i was up at 5a today for work.  i feel as if i am walking around in a daze.  (i also get really really short tempered with people when i'm this tired, so i apologize to anyone i may have snapped at today)

anyhow, i got my oil changed yesterday.  woohoo.  i spent nearly 2 hours there, and only 15m were actually spent on my car.  does this seem wrong to anyone else?  (not the waiting, i anticipate a wait, but that it only took them 15m? i'm worried my car didn't receive the attention s/he needed)  oh well, at least it's good to go for my trek up north.

i really need to get to KC tonight.  i need to get a coat that is warm enough to wear in the winter.  

alright.  two more things.  

1) classes start tomorrow. *sigh*  three weeks for my final winter break just seems like such a gip. 

2) i'll be rid of the evil motorolla phone on friday evening!  horray!  goodbye white screen of death!

i need something to eat.

james' wishes are fishes.

i have a crap-ton to do today.  i need to;

 

*finish painting that back wall in the kitchen

*get an oil change for the car

*service the living room fishtank

*print out some directions to the place in minneapolis

*apply for the circulation-desk job at the LKSPL

*study for the GRE

*walk ruby

*do some MORE laundry (especially fold)

*clean up the house (it's amazing how quickly it falls apart after you spend an entire day cleaning)

*make lunch/ get some diet pepsi

this is what i would like to do;

*eat "chinese" food/ drink diet pepsi

*sit around the house in jogging pants and a hoodie

*play wii

*enjoy my last day off for over four months

well. at least i've showered.

stuff. i guess.

i've got a warm ruby lap-top right now.  *giggle*

i painted my little hallway today.  it's nearly pepto pink.  but not exactly, so that's good.  i also decided to do a little bit of work in the kitchen, and ended up with a lot more on my plate than i was expecting.  oy.  oh well.  it'll look really good soon.  and that's all that counts, right?

i need to get an oil change in the tucson tomorrow, since i'll be driving it up to minneapolis next week-end.  (maybe)  regardless, after all the milage that's already been put on it *cry* it needs an oil change.  i can't believe it already has over 3000 miles on it, and i've only had it since oct 31st. by next monday, i'll have 4200 miles on it.  OY!  

anyhow.  i should cut my nails.

i love neil patrick harris. so much.

oh goodness. i am so in love with neil patrick harris. just sayin'.

anyhow. i have until may 1 to apply for my grad program. and i NEED to apply. if i don't, i'll hate myself forever. seriously. i'll hate myself. (well, i might just have to apply for spring semester, so i can actually give them my transcripts) --- does anyone know what one does in that case? (ie, applying for grad school before you have graduated?)

(in love love love with NPH)

okay, i think i'm going to eat a bit of cake and head back to lawrence now.
take care folksters.

tomorrow. i paint.

i got to go where the people dance, i want some action.

i have a lot on my small plate today!  today, i am going to;

1) get myself a diet pepsi

2) paint those ugly shelves!

3) sweep/mop kitchen floor

4) laundry. lots and lots of it.

5) make some sense out of the bedroom. LOL (it's just cluttered)

6) possibly make some bread pudding (i've got a great loaf of wheatfield's walnut-raisin)

7) get the paint (and maybe actually DO the painting) for the hallway.

okay.  time to get busy.  get down.  and boogie-woogie.

t-minus one week

one week until my final semester as an undergrad.  and then, hopefully, grad school!  wow. (i bought 11 (or, 1/3rd) of my books for the semester.  can you believe i have 35 books i'll be reading?!  but, every class will be in one building!  yay!  i've NEVER had that happen.  not even when i was at washburn, a substantially smaller campus.

work has been kicking my ass this week.  mostly 'cos i've been sick sine the 24th of december, and my body still hasn't been able to kick back yet.  (but, today i feel remarkably better, mostly 'cos i was able to sleep until 8!)  but, that does mean i'll be working at 3. boo.

i'm 95% sure i'll be doing my kitchen project now.  if only i can convince chris and shay to help me cut my counters.  (i'm terrible at using saws, and they are amazing at it)  i really hope i can, i'd love to have my ideal kitchen!

these are the materials, in case you didn't want to have to retype all those weblinks. a backsplash, two countertops, a sink, and a faucet.  obviously. lol

all images are property of IKEA. they aren't my pictures.  all credit goes to www.ikea.com

kitchen remodeling. bwahahahaha!

i've changed my initial plans for roadtrip '09 quite a bit.  but, i'll still be taking one.  length, and location are going to change for sure, but, i need to do what i can afford right?  

hmm... anyhow, on to the meat and potatoes of the blog entry.

i am trying to do a lot to make this house look a bit better.  par example.  i am going to put up some frame pictures of the SF trip, and a rasterbation picture in the living room.  i'm going to paint those ugly-ass shelves in the kitchen a shade of greyish blue.  i'm going to put up a new bookshelf (somewhere?).  i am going to paint the ugly bathroom vanity a nice shade of chocolate brown (it's waterstained "oak"-color right now).  i'm going to paint the little hallway between bathroom/kitchen a shade of pale pink.  and i'm going to see how much work it'd be to rip up the NASTY linoleum tile in the kitchen.

my MASTERPIECE though... is the kitchen counters. and sink. and faucet.  

i am going to (perhaps) take out the countertops (they are WARPED beyond repair, because they were installed incorrectly, and water has seeped into them.  the sink is an abomination, and grosses me out so much, we do the dishes on top of plastic containers.  and the faucet... LOL.  

these are the projected plans.

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/S09847462

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/70059657

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/00085042

http://www.ikea.com/us/en/catalog/products/10124081

yeah, i know, it will cost money.  duh.  but, i figure we have another 3-4 years (at the very least) in here, and i'd like to enjoy what i live in, ya know?  

eventually, i'm going to try and rearrange the set up in the house too, and get a new dining table, and use my current table as a desk.  (it's really hard to have more than two people sit at this table, considering it's made for two people LOL)  but, that's all future-war stuff.  

anyhow, i think i shall take a nice shower now.  toodle-oo.

a new year. holy hell!

okay, the subject heading for this post is misleading, it has almost nothing to do with the new year.  instead, i'm going to fill you in on this great revelation i had today. 

for my graduation present to myself, i am going to take three weeks in june, and drive around the southwest.  here is my itinerary, in its infancy.

start in Lawrence.  make my way to Taos, NM.  from Taos, go to White Sands desert.  from White Sands, make my way to the Grand Canyon.  after the grand canyon, go to monterey bay.  after Monterey Bay, head home, north, allowing me to go to Lake Tahoe. 

i'll also be stopping in many towns along the way, but this map gives a general idea.  i'm going to sleep in my car, and in a tent.  and my only concern is bathing.  'cos.. um... yuck.  i'll stay in hotels every once in a while, but three weeks of hotels = lots of money.  

i also won't do this if gas approaches 2.50$ a gallon, either.  

suggestions, donations, places to stay, are all welcome, and appreciated :)

View Larger Map